Thursday, December 29, 2011

My New Year's Wish

I had only one New Year’s wish last December 31, 2010:  MORE FUN, LESS DRAMA.

I didn’t get it. 2011 was a bitch.

The year started out okay, with me recovering from the aftermath of a dissolved friendship that left me wondering which part of it was real. I’ve been through a lot but just when I thought I’ve survived the worst, I realized that all I had were just a series of misadventures that brought me to this bigger mess. My problems came one after the other, sometimes arriving together hand-in-hand, in rapid succession. There were times when I just wanted to sleep all day to avoid any kind of human interaction, or cry and get effin’ furious, or make an anthem with the S, B, and F words making up 95% of the lyrics, or be a little less conscientious and bring the karma to my story’s villains instead of waiting for somebody else to do the dirty job- like a normal person. But that’s just not how I am. I write. I freakin’ write about every single thing that upsets me and it works. It works for a while. I see the sunshine, the rainbow, and hear the birds chirping like how I imagine them in paradise. Then it gets gloomy, and rain would pour heavily again flooding me with unwanted emotions. The light is replaced by darkness and all I can hear is the soundless, but deafening confusion. You see, external conflicts can only cause you the damage you allow. Your inner conflicts, especially the ones that you consciously push to the unconscious, have the capacity to burn you from within. The extent of harm cannot be predicted and only time can tell if it will go away- or haunt you forever.

I am done. This time, I will do more than write. I’ll take off my shoes and roll up my sleeves like a fighter who drank milk, not coffee. I’mma battle my inner demons ‘till they’re crushed before they do some crushing of their own. Our spirit may be vulnerable to a lot of things, but we can survive with only minor injuries. What’s a fight without a few scratches and stitches anyway? My weapon is my faith. What’s yours?

2011 may have left me exhausted from all the “non-events”, but I still have lotsa energy left in me to turn things around. Though tired and a bit dazed, I’m still grateful for all things- good and bad- that made the past 365 days of mine fit for archiving. I wouldn’t throw a single memory to my history dustbin because I believe that each trial and triumph was meant to make me tougher and smarter so the next 365 days of my life won’t be so bad. 2011 may have been a bitch but I’m still here. I’m still freakin’ here. What didn’t kill me just made me- "the" BIGGER bitch.

This is my wish for the coming year- NOTHING. I’ll be just fine and everything will be alright. I’m entrusting my head and heart to the Lord fully, without reservations.

2012, BRING IT ON!






                              








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Monday, December 26, 2011

NOVEMBER - DECEMBER 2011

-More than failure, losing a sense of purpose is what scares me.

-The meaning of the term FAMILY goes beyond blood relations. They are the people who can love you RIGHT, forsaking social standards concerning politeness and loyalty, because they want you to be RIGHTEOUS.

-Sometimes, doing nothing is WORSE than doing the wrong thing.

-It's puzzling that the very people who are afraid of public humiliation are the ones who won't stop doing humiliating things. Life is a series of cause and effect, actions and reactions, and mistakes and consequences. Be accountable for your own doings. In the end, the reality that a person gets what he deserves will not only be implied. He will reap what he has sown.

-One very important thing I've learned in life is to not entertain detailed stories from liars. A single lie can already reveal the simple truth which, oftentimes, is the only thing that you need to know.

-If a person says that he'd kill FOR his siblings, I'd understand. But if I hear one expressing even a nano-possibility of him killing one of his own for whatever reason, I'd keep my distance… As in any connivancy, the truth will come out in God's time and everyone involved will pay BIG time. 

-If you COVER UP your lies with lies, the mountain you have created will tumble over you.

-Happiness is not about getting everything that you want. It is about knowing what you need and being contented with what you have.

-A person who deludes himself into thinking that he is righteous in spite of his immorality, needs professional help and divine intervention.

-Trust the Lord fully. Do not insult His power by holding on to things and people He has removed from your life. Let Go and Let God. Do it now and watch His plans for you unfold as your life changes for the better.

-Forgive not just for your own sake but for the love of God and when your time comes, you will leave this place happy. The people who have wronged you and were not humble enough to apologize for their mistakes can die a million deaths, but their souls will not rest in peace.

-Break-ups are hard to deal with, but always remember that they happen to make our lives easier.

-Don’t just let things happen to you. MAKE THINGS HAPPEN.

-A reader knows a writer’s heart.

-New BLS: C.A.B.D.
C.hest compressions
A.irway
B.reathing
D.o not have a cardiac arrest when Hency is around…  (“,)

-When our bodies are exhausted, we rely on our will to keep going. When the latter fizzles, the Lord takes over. Before we know it, we have exceeded the expectations we have set for ourselves; we’ve gone beyond what our bodies are capable of doing, and our faith in a God that gives us strength when we most need it is stronger than ever.

-So I went to church today, and just like in all the masses I've attended since I was a child, "Kordero ng Diyos" was sung by everyone in a louder and more enthusiastic note. May peace be with us always, all the days of our lives.

-No matter how furious you are, there will always be a part of you that's ready to love in spite of; but the object of your anger needs to know straight up that what he did is wrong for you, even if it means deviating from the social constructs of "loving". Forgive quickly, but do not be tolerant of other people's blunders. You have a moral responsibility to love righteously.

-Rain in Kuwait means a change is gonna come. Good heavens, drizzle the desert! Let each drop that moistens this dry land be like a blessing that gives joy to a weary heart.

-Hindi naman kailangan na maging perpekto ka;
 Umayos ka lamang, tama na yun sa Kanya.

-Nothing turns me off more than a tall, rich, and handsome guy who's afraid of syringe needles. One thing I'm so grateful for with being a nurse is having the license to use one- with a mocking grin.

-Love your life. It's the only one you've got… Loving the life that God gave you is one of the many ways you can show your gratefulness and love for Him. If you say that you love Him but you allow yourself to constantly be in the company of negativity, then you have failed to do so miserably.

-I can’t tell if doubt is good or bad because both are subjective. What I’m certain of is that it allows us to have this moment of deliberation from which we emerge as stronger individuals with a renewed faith in the “truth” that we have chosen to believe. When our faith is strong, peace is upon us. It is easier to be conscientious, to live righteously, to forgive, and to believe that we can be forgiven. It will be easier to live like Christ did and, for a genuine Christian, to be a living proof of his lordship and divinity.
*2nd paragraph of my first draft for the 13th SFC-MEC reflection writing contest.

-A woman must learn how to live without a man because you rarely find one who's always around.

-'Wag mong i-overrate ang maliit na pagkakamali ng isang tao
para lang ipagtakpan ang uber laki mong kasalanan. Bad yun.

-Whenever I wake up in the morning, I have good news and bad news.
Good news- God gave me another day to be productive.
Bad News- I have to GET UP from my bed to do that.

-God gave us 24 hrs/day. Let's make it a point to spend more time praising and worshipping Him than complaining about petty things.

-If you can touch one person’s life, you can make a difference. You can help change the world for the better.
BUT FIRST...
...you gotta change for the better. You gotta reach out to someone. You gotta want to make a difference in the world.
You CAN, but you GOTTA start with YOU.

-If you are technically in a relationship with someone who is emotionally checked out, you are SINGLE. It’s not that complicated.

-Just when you think that silence is a coward’s response to a dangerous threat, it can actually be his strongest defense. Before you know it, your words are forced to retreat and go back to where they came from.

-We only have time for the things that we like to do, hope for the dreams that we want to come true, love for the people who really matter, and faith in what we truly believe.

-If only frying can give me the sense of comfort that writing gives, our flat will smell like a giant fried lumpia every day.

-Make a conscious effort to please God, not people.

-A woman is always more beautiful when she smiles, not because everything is going her way, but because she’s made a decision to enjoy her life however it is.

 -Kings Saul and David led their men to battle. They fought, won, and lost WITH them. I wonder if we'd still have wars if those men in tailored suits are to be drafted first as per job description.

-I feel sorry for a person who CAN do something but WON’T do anything.

-‘Wag nang malungkot sa mga maling nangyari sayo.
Sikapin mo nalang na maitama ang lahat sa buhay mo.

-If for every ten things that made you sad you receive one blessing, your life is already beyond "okay"; it's perfect. God is generous. He gives you what is due you, one sweet treat at a time.

-You get into trouble more when you stand up for what’s right, that’s why a lot of people just stay mum or join the other pack. The situation can get so frustrating but after a while, you will realize that what you have is worth more than a favorable reception by a group of biased supporters. Peace of mind and a clean conscience- PRICELESS.

-People who are not humble enough to accept their mistakes and change their ways don’t grow up- they just get old.

-moLaR lesson: Thou shall remove your retainers if you intend to chew bubble gum.

-Forgiving others will be easier if you humbly accept that you mess up too. Forgiving yourself will be easier if you stop feeling responsible for other’s mistakes.

-FRANKahan 101 by Hency:
Hindi bale nang naloko, huwag lang ikaw ang nanloko
Hindi bale nang nagago, huwag lang ikaw ang nang-gago
Hindi bale nang nabastos, huwag lang ikaw ang nambastos
Bakit? Kasi mas madaling patawarin ang iba kaysa ang iyong sarili
Kasi alam mo kung ano yung tama, pero ang ginawa mo yung mali.

-There are some things that we just can't understand.
Why do bad things happen to good people?
Why does a tragedy happen when we least thought it would?
Why are we so bothered about petty things and situations when there are calamities in other countries?
I pray not for answers. Tonight, I will only pray for the people who have bigger problems.

-Dasal ang pinaka-epektibong panlaban sa stress. Nakakaraming bonggang usap na kami ni Lord. Buti wala Siyang kulit meter.

-You know that something is REALLY for you if the things that are beyond your control concerning it aren't so... complicated.

-The reason why I do not despise or judge atheists is because their ideologies and conviction make me reflect on mine and my faith is strengthened each time I do. Atheism is a way of life and its believers are here for a reason. God is powerful. If they're not meant to be here like gays and lesbians, they would not have been made to exist.

-We are capable of being happy in spite of our circumstances.




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Saturday, November 26, 2011

The Bestfriend Before The Boyfriend

March 28, 2010



I miss my friends.

When I was younger, I chose friends who had interests similar to mine. We collected the same things, watched the same tv shows, played the same games, liked the same types of boys, idolized the same celebrities, bought the same food during recess, and backed each other up whenever one was involved in a rumor or a fight. If one deviated from the "usual", we "break up" and find another friend again.

As I got older, I have come to realize that people are not defined solely by their interests. There is always more to a person than what you can see and what they want you to see; you just have to stick around. He can either be the best friend you've always wanted, or the worst enemy you wish you’ve never met. It's always worth it because in the end, you get to know more about them and a lot more about you.

The friends that I have today are very different from each other and from me. Their uniqueness is exuded in the ways they show their fondness and affection for me, how they give advices, how they choose to spend our time together, how they reach out when they need me or when they know I need them, and how we deal with our arguments or misunderstandings. Actually, most of my closest friends are those whom I’ve had a spat with, who initially didn't like me, and those who thought I'm too shallow and childish. I'm very grateful that the friendships I have now are more lasting because of the tremendous love and respect we have for one another, and the maturity we bring to every situation that tests the strength of our bond/s. Even though we’re far apart and uncertain when we'll all see each other again, we're not worried because we know we’ll always be there for each other no matter what.

 There is one friend though, whom I miss all the time. I think that what we had didn't reach its full potential because I didn't know how to balance love and friendship. She was the bestfriend before the boyfriend. If you all go back to the time when you first fell in love, when that person meant the whole world to you, when you thought you couldn't live without him and that he's all you needed to survive, then you'll know what I'm talking about. Nobody else mattered. All others were taken for granted and/or abandoned if they didn't have anything nice to say. I can't say I regret all that now, but I swear I'd think a million times more before I ever make that same mistake again.

Her name is Maria Luisa, and she is one of the most beautiful, intelligent, and kind-hearted people I've ever known.





                                          Lui and her Beloved Canine "TJ" 


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Wednesday, November 23, 2011

The Beauty and The Dweeb

I remember being 22, confused, heartbroken, sad, and lonely. I just passed every exam I took and, more than pride, I was just relieved that I didn’t have to answer another multiple choice question. The immature Hency believed that life is unfair; Exam questions have 4 choices each but in real life, I had only one- to mature.  I was killing some more time as a volunteer nurse at a small hospital in my hometown, when the intense feeling of boredom made me encode a very elaborate resume to send to all the top hospitals in Manila. It was also boredom that pushed me to ACTUALLY send all of it and accept the very first training invitation I received via SMS. It wasn’t a hard decision for me. It’s wasn’t like I was leaving anyone behind. My family will always be with me wherever I go. The house I grew up in isn’t gonna go anywhere. I wasn’t able to sustain the friendships I had in high school, and all my close college friends were either living or working in different parts of the Philippines. The only one from then who had my heart had his own life to live- so do I. I packed my bags and left, determined to survive whatever comes my way.

I joined St. Luke’s Medical Center’s Nursing Staff Effectiveness Training May of 2007 with no expectations. I just prayed that… nope, I didn’t pray. I was entertaining too much negativity and left no room for spiritual enrichment. I had my beliefs, but that was just about it. After gaining eligibility for their training program (with a friend who opted to work at another hospital), I attended my first day with not even a whisper of gratitude to The One who got me there. I only breathed a sigh of relief when I saw her- the beautiful lady I met after I passed our written exam. She seemed nice, and except for her scolding me for not having been a responsible Filipino Citizen (I didn’t exercise my right to vote during the “then” elections), the long elevator ride was tolerable. We made our way through the noisy crowd of sixty-something, equally intelligent and able new nurses in (needless to say) white uniforms, and waited for someone to scold us. After an eternity, we were told to enter a room. My new “friend” and I found ourselves in a rather large group of mostly males, with “this” guy in particular who was being too nerdy for his glasses. This is the part where I’ll cut the story-telling short.

Four years and six months later, and after all of the following (and more): the long wait for deployment, professional adjustment, fast-paced and expensive urban living, occasional arguments, 5 break-ups (combined?) and an engagement (confirmed!), the emotional rollercoaster rides, and the painful geographical separation (whew!)- we are still here. We don’t talk as much as we did, mainly because we have our own “things” going on, but I’m not worried at all. One important thing that a friendship needs to survive other than love is trust. I think the best thing the kind of bond that we have has given me is this incredible sense of security; near or far, I know they’re just within my reach. I cannot even begin to describe how a couple of people’s mere presence in my life can soothe whatever pain it is I’m feeling because of whatever. Even when everything seems to be going wrong, at least there’s still something in my life that’s right. I can still pull through every ordeal and maintain an unconditional positive regard for myself in spite of my mistakes (that I’m not proud of). I can still believe that I’m good, because I am friends with good people. To be a good friend then, is to honor my friends by being a good person. To be a good person, I should (in the very least) be grateful to The One who gave them to me.

Ever since I started REALLY praying, an activity that I did not waste a breath on before I started my spiritual journey, I have come to appreciate my friends more. They make my prayers longer, with the words “thank” and “You” whispered before their names and after a memory of us together comes to mind. Our friendship, which is a blessing in itself, was a means for another blessing- change. I am now a different person; Imperfect, but better and more mature. Life is fair however it is today; it’s all just a matter of perspective.  Yes, I have lost some “friends” to lies, betrayal, and self-righteousness, but the ones who count are still here, accepting me for all that I am and all that I’m not. I don’t ask of God to make our friendship last forever for only He holds the future, but I pray for them to have the best lives they could possibly have- with or without me as their friend. Whenever I imagine the next happiest moment of my life, I see not only my family and Mr. Maybe; I see both of them, with the same youthful and vibrant faces as when we all first met. I can only hope that they’d still see in me the same Hency underneath the new and improved one; the person I have become as a result of having them in my life- nerdy but beautiful, and good.



Novie Jay and Mary Louise,

Happy Birthday to you both. You are two of God’s countless blessings to me in this lifetime. Our friendship continues to be an amazing source of happiness for me. My sincere apologies for whatever I did or did not do, intentionally or unintentionally, whether I was being too “ME” or not being myself at all, that caused you a considerable amount of pain at any time in our friendship. While this gesture is not enough for me to fully express how much I love you both, this promise will: I won’t ever be where you can’t reach me. My “BESTest” Best friend up there, The One who gave you both to me, taught me that. To Him, I now am eternally grateful.


                                                                                                                                                      Just here,
                                                                                                                                                      Hency  







                                          The Beauty and the Dweeb (2007)
                                          FYI: DWEEB (def.)- Nerdy or Dorky

                                           My Break-up Bestfriend and Biatch Buddy
                                           (Hency's Birthday 2009)
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Sunday, November 6, 2011

Hency’s 5 Simple Tips to Surviving a Break-up

Before my recent break-up with a “guy” I was with for (almost) ten months, I had to recover from the pains of a bitter separation with the “boy” I was in love with for (almost) ten years. Like a lot of people probably would, I thought moving on from Ex2 would be a breeze considering everything that I went through after Ex1, but it wasn’t as easy as I expected. It’s not that hard either. For one, I’m five years smarter, tougher, and more mature. Also, I have a pretty clear idea of why I’m here, what I aspire to become, and how I’d like my life to be. I guess I’m finally realizing my true worth as a person and unlike before, I don’t let other people determine that for me. I have learned to love myself first by not letting my love for another consume me.

I’ve gone through something so hurtful (twice) and I’d spare the rest of the planet from this kind of misery if I could, but I can’t. What I can do is be the hand that holds a brokenhearted in his/her reading. Having had "only" two break-ups does not make me an expert, but I’m sharing a few of the countless things I learned in the years that I’ve been dealing with this kind of drama anyway. Who knows? By number five, one of you could  be  "the" bad-ass of the Moving on and Letting go Industry.  

1)     As in any list, PUT GOD FIRST. Pain can do all sorts of things to you- from doing things that you may regret, to forgetting the best way to deal with it. Praying is not only communicating with God. It is also a means of introspection wherein you confront yourself with your own thoughts, feelings, and actions. It allows for an opportunity to work towards an unbiased conclusion as to how and why the separation happened. Slowly but surely, you will understand that God is and will always be in control. No matter what you’re going through and whatever else happens, you are not -and will never be- alone. You could lose a hundred lovers, but you won't lose Him.

2)     After a heartbreak, give your heart a break. Let your feelings die a natural death. If you bury them alive, they will inch their way up their graves and haunt you. I don’t know about other people, but settling for a “rebound person” will only give you more problems. You already have one. Deal with it first. I know of a person who came from one bitter break-up and ended up with five in one year. Give yourself ample time to heal before you jump into anything. When true love finally comes, it will be best if you are available on all aspects so you can have a stress-free relationship without the potential complications your cluttered history might cause. The same goes for drugs, alcohol, and other diversions that can “divert” you to darker places of “break-up darkness”. If you are currently in this kind of situation, take this: It’s better to lose someone else than to lose yourself. In fact, losing someone you’ve lost yourself into gives you a chance to find yourself again.

3)     Focus on moving forward, one day at a time. After you’ve extracted yourself from a relationship that is proven to be beyond repair, use your “alone time” wisely. Give yourself a chance to be angry and depressed for a short while, then switch off the “mope” button. Do not engage in activities that will pull you back into the pit- like going to places you used to frequent as a couple, listening to your theme song all night, or stalking him/her. Deal with change. Find something you love to do. Discover new things and be excited about what God has in store for you. Be productive. Spend time with your loved ones. Find a way to be genuinely happy by yourself, so that you won’t have to be dependent on other people for your own happiness.

4)     Learn how to love without "owning”. This ain’t easy, but it ain’t that hard either. Well, my literary hero P.C. didn’t only give me something to think about. He also made me realize that we have to recognize a way of loving freely, unconditionally, and without expectations. If you want to reach out to your ex for closure and/or reconciliation, look inside your heart first. What do you really want to happen? Do you want to move on for good, or do you just want things back to how they were? Remember that the relationship ended because of how things were. Don’t start playing with fire if you don’t want to be burned- again. Know that you don’t have to “own” someone to love them because in reality, you can’t own anyone. Stop being miserable, lift up your loneliness to God, and set the object of your affection free. Eventually, you’ll be free from the emotions you had for that person and you’ll be given what is due you- the love and the kind of relationship you’ve been waiting for all your life.

5)     Look back with a smile. If you lose something bad, would you feel sad?  The reason why you feel “bluer than blue” after a break-up is because you know that you’ve lost something good. Your relationship may not have worked out, but it’s not like it was a colossal waste of time. Never regret something that made you happy. Allow one good memory to ease the pain, then let go and look forward to making new ones. Be thankful for the time you spent with that person, for the things that you’ve learned, and for the love that you shared. Gratefulness is an awesome cure for bitterness and sadness. It is also a sign of maturity. When you are grateful regardless of the pain that you’re feeling, forgiving is easier, healing is hastened, and before you know it, your heart is as good as new. After all, every relationship that ended wrongly will lead you to the right one.

A good friend of mine once said that each break-up is different. The intensity of pain that you felt with each separation, and the speed of your “recovery” are not measures of how deeply you felt for each person you were with. Your state of being at the time of your break-up is a huge determinant on how well you’ll pull through, so work on that. It all depends on your general outlook on life, your attitude, your will to move on, and your faith. I must admit that the road to recovery wasn’t that smooth and I’ve had a few “lapses” (I call them my "bad break-up days") over the past months, but that’s okay. I’m okay. I figured that as long as you’re dead set on moving forward, you’ll manage to keep yourself on the track. Always believe that God had planned a wonderful love life for you. Wish your ex/exes well and you will be well. Eventually, all will be well and you’ll live happily ever after - with or without a lover. 




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Monday, October 31, 2011

Invisible, NOT

Gospel for Reflection (Kuwait) - John 20:19-31 

The story about Thomas reminded me of a time in my life when I doubted God’s existence. Is He for real? Or, did we just create this concept of Him so that we won’t feel so small in this vast universe? I snapped back before my dubiety got me anywhere and never asked again.

How can I not believe? Every time I open my eyes, my sight is greeted by His magnificence and I’m certain that it will be that way until I close them forever.  I have felt His unconditional love through all the people who came, went, and stayed in my life. He fought my battles for me and rejoiced with me in all my victories, big or small. That moment of doubt rendered my life meaningless, and He brought me back with a stronger hold on my faith. All I had to do was to open my eyes again after closing them on Him.

It’s easy to doubt, but it’s harder to NOT believe. When our existence is already proof of His existence, it’s impossible to be oblivious to His constant presence. When blinded by doubt, open your eyes. You’ll see Him.

Hencel Lauren D. Bisarra
CFC-SFC Kuwait (Salmiya Unit)







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Wednesday, October 26, 2011

SEPTEMBER - OCTOBER 2011

GOD is your best ally and YOU are your worst enemy.

When tougher that tough trials come, I always get surprised at my own strength. There's more of God and less of me IN ME these days.

If you constantly try to please others, you will lose a sense of what pleases you.

I am happy to report that as of today, I have 0% regrets and 100% trust in God's love, mercy, and power. In all the years I've lived, not once has He failed me.

Every birthday is a gift from God.

HOPE is the light in the darkness.

It's never too late to have a better life. It's all up to you.

Life can teach you a lot of things ABOUT something.

Good friends don’t rub in your mistakes; They help you rub them out.

My memory whispered this to me:
Orphans, beggars, and ragamuffins
Out on the streets they roam.
They walk, they run, they gallop around
Because they have no home.
(First stanza of the first poem I ever wrote. I think I was 10 years old at the time.)

Crazy people are smart people who do stupid things.

Some people's lives don't get better because they are afraid of change. Life is about overcoming your fears, taking calculated risks, and having no regrets.

If you do something rash, be ready to take the heat for it. What you give is what you will get.

TRY: "Ditch the deed, not the dude". God knows it's hard so He gives us plenty of chances to practice.

God is stronger than any negative emotion. In His time, this too shall pass.

Smile and the world will smile with you.

"Happy-ness" is rarely a feeling. With all of life's drama, it's more of a decision.

Having a perfect God makes up for all of life's imperfections.

If you care too much about what other people think about you, you'll have lesser time to be yourself.

SAD REALITY: A lot of people are quick to judge but very few are willing to understand.

Sleeping early does not guarantee that you'll wake up early. Your bed versus your willpower is always a tough match.

It’s funny how the hardest and the easiest thing that you can do in a situation is TO NOT CARE.

What you say tells MORE about YOU than the things you are talking about.

The next time you look up to God, try looking around you first. See Him in every face, feel Him in the air, and have a taste of His goodness in the midst of a bad situation. We know He's up there and He's also down here because He is everywhere, but there's more to that fact. He is wherever we need Him to be. He loves us that much.

A lot of people are miserable because they always want to be IN control. The moment you place upon yourself the responsibility of bringing something into a state of perfection, that's when things start to get OUT of control only because you've begun to care TOO much. ONLY God has the capacity to make things be, so just LET things be. TRUST in His power. STOP trying to be like God.

A woman of substance ages gracefully.

The phrase "forgive and forget" never made sense to me. You never forget what you HAD TO forgive. "Forgive and FORGO" is more accurate, and it's actually DOABLE.

You're never ready until you have to be and you're never sure until you're left with only one option, so don't worry until you’re THERE.

"Self-loving" is not a way of loving oneself. It is the self-destruct button labeled differently by your pride.

Kung iisipin at hahanapin mo lagi ung wala,
'di mo mapapansin kung anong meron ka.

A conversation between Insecure and Conceited:
Conceited: insecure ka lang saken...
Insecure: napaka-conceited naman neto!

Give explanations, not excuses. Either way, the truth will win.

A lot of people are ridiculously sensitive to criticisms. You can't make a critic shut his gob, but you can learn how to handle his "bs" well after a quick and honest introspection.

"Respect" is when we accept each other's differences because we know we're all the same in the sense that no one is above another.


 Do your part in taking care of yourself and God will cover the rest.


Every word that I write is meant to praise God's name.


Life may be peppered with unfortunate events, but God gives us plenty more reasons to celebrate. My faith is what keeps me going. 




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Friday, October 21, 2011

ONE LIFE TO LIVE

I recently celebrated my 27th birthday and just like in the past years, I looked back at how I lived to understand and appreciate my “here and now”. Yes, I HAD to do that. I must say though that even if I’m still not where I dreamt to be ten years ago, at least I’m in a better place. College wasn’t as fun as I’d hoped when I was in high school. I guess my only consolation is the fact that it wasn't boring, with my graduation as the highlight of that whole college experience. However my life was then, I’d like to think that I lived it well because it got me to where I am now. I had my own share of university drama. No major, major risks. No major, major mistakes. No major, major regrets.
I remember how I wished for each day to end quickly because for some reason, I found myself stuck instead of progressing. Maybe it’s the reason why my memories of then are so blurry. Waiting for those four years to end seemed like forever. After two semesters, I felt like I had to wait for 30 more years to become a nurse. After all the exams and red tape that got me the title I adorn my name with, I found myself STILL waiting. I was waiting to HAVE a life. How incredibly stupid was that?
I was waiting to have a life when I ALREADY have one. I just failed, or forgot, to LIVE it. Being younger and less mature ought to be counted as reasons. Now that I’m older (and hopefully more ahem!), I have absolutely no excuse to be the way I was. All the lessons I learned that were zipped in my backpack is being put to good use, especially with the retrogression in it’s all time “slow” in the past couple of years (all the “papers” we spent dollars on that are just in my file case and guarded with my life are nearing expiry). Slowly but surely, I am becoming an expert on the skill of “waiting BUT not waiting”. Unfortunately, there are no shortcuts in the road where each and every one of us travels. We have no choice but to suck it up and choose from among the many ways we can make the journey enjoyable. I have chosen to do two things at the same time: EARN A LIVING via my profession, and LIVING via “y’all-know-what-by-now”. Someone’s gotta help pay the bills but SHE’s got a life to live too, and nothing (for me) beats beating the RN burnout than by writing WITH God.
Even if my life today isn’t even close to my own concept of “perfect”, it’s a good thing that I’m no longer asking the same question I used to ask myself year after year: “What am I here for and where do I go from here?” Pathetic then, I know, but isn’t that everybody? I’m glad and grateful that I came to the realization that our answer to that question doesn’t have to be accurate, at least for the time being. You just have to have one and whatever it is, it’s FROM God. So if I already know the answer, what’s keeping me? Why am I seemingly stuck where I’m at? Guess what? I'm not. What makes me say that? I just know. I believe that whichever route you take, as long as you KNOW your destination, you’ll get there. Will I get there just in time before I develop carpal tunnel syndrome, or become senile? Of course! To hell with all the self-doubt, the paralyzing fear of the unknown, and the dispiriting detours. I have a dream and as SURE as I am that there is a God who loves me, I CAN make it.
The American Dream is to be the next American Idol. The Filipino Dream is to be an American Citizen (I'll go for dual citizenship someday btw... just sayin'). Why not have both? My singing chops can’t get me a golden ticket, but there’s something else I can do. There may only be a 50% chance that I could live my dream considering the circumstances I’m presently in, so I have to make the most out of it to arrive at a hundred. I only have ONE LIFE TO LIVE, with plenty of choices and chances. I’ll wait while NOT waiting, LIVE while making a living, and DREAM… while making it come true.
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Sunday, September 25, 2011

TRUST

So far, these are the things that I've learned about Trust:

It is not gained; It is earned.
It doesn't mean you will get it even if you've done everything to earn it.
Losing it is always easier than gaining or earning it.
Trust that was gained is easier to lose than the one that was earned.

Earn the trust of those who are important to you.
In trying to earn someone’s trust, you can only do so much.
It is their personal choice and you are only at their mercy.
You just have to trust that a clean heart is enough.

You start loving by trusting.
Love is not lost with trust.
If you've lost your trust in someone you love, trust in love.
If you’ve lost the trust of the one you love, trust in his love.
If you can't trust love, trust yourself.
When you can't trust yourself, trust in Him.

Trust comes with respect.
You can still respect someone who has lost your trust.
You cannot trust someone you don't respect.

People trust people who do things right.
If people don't trust you, maybe you're doing something wrong.
The "right thing" is always subjective, so don't trust their reasons right away.

A lot of people have trust issues.
It's not your fault if some people don't trust you.
Other people can’t blame you if you decide not to trust them.
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Monday, September 19, 2011

27 Reasons I'm Grateful on My Birthday

      1.     My Dad and Mom- Thanks for having me. 
      2.     My Sister- It's good to know that I will always have a vigilant angel.
      3.     My Baby Brother- You are my life.
      4.     My Grandparents (Papa, Mama, Nanay, and Tatay (RIP)) - Thoughts of you are so 
            comforting. I so miss being a kid.
      5.     Tita Elaine, Tita Jess, and Tito Jun- Thanks for being my family here in Kuwait. Tito Sam,
            you are always missed.
      6.     My profession- Nursing gives me so much more than I could ever give back.
      7.     My job- I suck at you, I know. I’m sincerely sorry for my incompetence.
      8.     My General Manager- Thank you so much for the early birthday gift. May Allah bless you all
            the days of your life.
      9.     My DDM- Thank you for your patience. My apologies for the inconvenience of being your 
            dental nurse.
10.  My New Abha Farwaniya Family- If an Abha branch is to close down every time we win a contest, we’d be the only clinic left. I can already imagine Randy Jackson saying, “You’re in it to win it!” at our next performance.  It’s not even American Idol season 11 yet.
11.  Kuwait- This is a good place to heal.
12.  Kuwaiti Dinar- I love you and I’m happy with the present exchange rates, but please don’t go any lower. Any increase is in Avenue’s favor anyway, though indirectly, and Friday Market for some.
13.  My REAL friends- One of the hardest things in life is finding lasting friendships. The ones that I have today are pretty solid. Old, new, renewed, “pain-in-the-ass-but-sticks-in-your-butt-no-matter-what”- you guys know who you are.
14.  My Household Sisters and the whole CFC-SFC Kuwait Community- Old faith, NEW perspective. Through all of you, I am able to understand Catholicism in a different light.
15.  My bed, my corner- This is where I sort out all my emotional spaghetti and mental salad so I could come up with a material that is pleasing to your reading palate.
16.  My laptop- This baby never complains.
17.  The Internet- Thank you SO MUCH for obvious reasons. 
18.  Blogspot, YM, Skype, Facebook-  No one's ever too far to reach anymore.
19.  Isohunt.com- Another reason to rejoice! Platinum Hit, American Idol, The Edward Pattinson Saga and many more… I’m gonna DL y’all!
20.  Microsoft Word- You rock a million times more than good ole’ pen and paper. Just spell the words and I shall be… done!
21.  Trials- What doesn’t kill me makes me a better writer.
22.  My flair for writing- I don’t know how to swim, play the keyboards, do karate and just recently, I found out that I can’t blow an effin’ rubber balloon. I gotta be good at something, right? (Please give this one to me…) 
23.  My dream- Writing is my saving grace. Apart from God, this is all I have. This is all I want for myself. (I'm feeling so American Idol, Platinum Hit, and Project Runway right now.)
24.  My readers- Thanks for your time. You do me the favor of either loving or hating what I offer. It’s a pleasure to share to you the pieces of me. It’s all for free. I still have a long way to go before anyone pays a cent for my crap.
25.  My “HERE AND NOW”- I use all the lessons I learned yesterday so I could have a better and brighter tomorrow. Today may not be perfect but it is the BEST for me; It is what God had planned to be.
26.  My Failed Relationships- When I was young, I prayed to God for a good guy who will love me RIGHT. When I was a bit older, I prayed for a respectable man who will love me RIGHTEOUSLY. He answered my prayers twice when He took away what I shouldn’t be having. In exchange, He gave me the ONLY kind of relationship that cannot, in any way, break my heart…
27.  My Personal Relationship with God- Lord, I won’t ever break up with You. I give to You my eternal gratitude for 1-26 and for the millions more not included in this list. Thank You for showing me how to love You RIGHT by loving RIGHTEOUSLY. I fail more often than I could forgive myself for, but Your love is as infallible as I am imperfect. I have found my life partner and best friend in You. Having You IN me is all I will ever need.

Yaaay! Happy Birthday to me. This is my best birthday yet. The future does not only look promising, it is filled with good things to come.   =)

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Monday, September 12, 2011

GURL, MAKINIG KA

Gurl makinig ka, me sasabihin ako seo
Naiintindihan ko ang nararamdaman mo
Pang ilang beses na bang iyakan ito
Pati facebook nalilito na sa relationship status mo

Hindi nasasalaminan ang bulag na utak
Walang hearing aid para sa bingi na puso
Hindi ka bobo, hindi ka tanga
Pero Gurl for ur sake, umayos ka

Me gf nang iba, feeling mo 'kaw parin mahal nia
E kung 'kaw love nia, edi sana 'kaw kasama nia
Kahit pa nagtext o nag-pm na namimiss ka nia
Confused na ang lolo, papatulan mo pa ba?

Gamit parin ang old kahit meron nang new number
Hello! Wait ka parin? Me iba na ang iyong ex-caller
Kung nung kau nga, kahit unli di magtext
Ngayon pa kaya na meron na xang ibang ka s*#!

E anu ngayon kung matagal naging kau?
E anu ngayon kung me anak na kau?
Thank God ang five years nio di naging sampu
E kung babies nio ang umabot ng ten, anong gagawin mo?

Kaya tama na sa kakasilip sa profile nia
Para lang ma-hurt pag nakita ang pic nilang magjowa
Wag mo na xang i-add, wag magwait na maconfirm
Pag chinat mo xa, gf ang sumagot, lies pa nia e ma-affirm

Gurl makinig ka, graduate nako sa gan'to
Hindi 'to madali I know, but u'r not in this solo
All you have to do is say that long prayer
At ipanglaban sa gago ang iyong “willpower”

How do you deal with this? Let us count the ways
Family and friends mo naman, there for you always
Mas malapit ang Morato kesa bahay nia. Go party!
O kaya, magshopping ka. Bumili ka ng maraming panty

Lahat ng crushes mo from elem til makapasok ka ng bar
Hanapin mo sa fb. Baka tulad ko, si Destiny (R.I.P.) mo pala ay nasa far
Pwede rin sumali ka sa SFC, baka andun ang iyong 3G (God's Greatest Gift na daw ngayon)
Before you know it, you’ve moved on. Just wait and see

Gurl, gets kita. Iniisip mo suregado “Marami pa ngang iba,
But my gosh naman, nag-iisa lamang xa!”
Natatakot ka lang sigurong hindi ka na muling liligaya
Bakit pa kasi, kung sino nanakit sau, sa kanya ka din sasaya?

Sadyang ganyan ang buhay Gurl, nid mong maging strong
It’s not ur fault if Mr. Right then is now Mr. Wrong
Kung me darating na di uber gwapo pero napapatawa ka
Sige lang. Lucky ka parin. Konting guys lang ang mukang paa

O ano Gurl? Pagod nako. Nakinig ka ba?
Pa-forward na ba tau or backwards parin sa kanya?
Sayang ang oras, ang buhay, at ang ganda
Kung magmamalungkot ka, di ka sasaya.

(taglishkantotextfun by hencel lauren)
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Wednesday, September 7, 2011

Today is my (favorite) Sister's Birthday

May 29, 2010

Today is my sister's birthday. For the past few years, her birthdays have been celebrated alongside wakes, funerals and death anniversaries. It's a good thing that this year, even though she's a little bit under the weather and I'm not there with them to celebrate with the more expensive plan B (plan A was COOK and celebrate at home), she's in a celebratory mood. Good for her. At least she wouldn't have to get all tired from party preparations to enjoy her day.

We used to have a chaotic sisterhood. We fought all the time, had loud arguments and beat each other blue. When our baby brother was old enough to join in the mess, it meant more migraine episodes for mommy. We had fun though and most of the time, all three of us would just lay around making fun of other people when we're already done picking on each other. It's a good thing we were older when we found out that there's actually this thing called "sibling rivalry" that could potentially ruin our bond until we're like really old, so it's not something that bothered us when we were younger even when other people made comparisons from head to toe within our earshot. In fact, when other people tell her that her nose looks better than mine (obviously), they won't hear any appreciation from her. What they'd get is a counter attack either criticizing their nose or their hair or their weight or whatever it is about them that made them think they were in the position to even open their mouths. It's a good thing to have this relationship with her because it gives you that kind of security that you can't get from anybody else. Of course, there may be some taboo topics for us (e.g. our love lives) but these things need not be discussed for us to know how the other feels. We support each other's decisions in silence and make ourselves available if one needs some diversion. We'd keep a watchful eye on each other but trust that the love that we have for our family is what will keep us from doing anything stupid. It makes me wonder why some sisters busy themselves competing with each other than with other peoples' kids. It's easier to win that way and it makes the competition more fun. Mommy doesn't have to worry because she knows that we have each other's backs and the other teams' divided members can easily be slammed on our marble porch.

Hey Niki! Thank you for 24 years of dirty rooms and hilarious antics. Good luck with your UK plans. I'll support you 100 percent. I'll even buy you a coat. Let's make Dad and Mom proud of their smart, independent, and hardworking single (?) ladies.
P.S.: I know you have a new boy toy. I hope he's better looking and less of an ass this time.

(This was written last year. She's freakin' 25 now. I know what you're thinking. Don't say that to her face. I'm the eldest okay. Yes y'all. I'm OLDER than her. Let's not rub it in. It's her birthday. I love you BIBI.)
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Saturday, September 3, 2011

MAY - AUGUST 2011

Forgiveness starts the healing process. Forgiving someone is not giving him an opportunity to hurt you again. It is simply giving yourself another shot at living a pain-free life.
The key to finding your soul mate is to be in the same state of being he's in at a given point in time. That person's energy will match yours and the forces of nature will all conspire to work in your favor. I strive to be happy everyday so I'd get to meet him at his happiest. Happy plus happy equals happiness multiplied a hundredfold. Count that!!!
If someone you love tells you that he will never hurt you, don't count on it because chances are he will. You are your own house. You will always be more vulnerable to the people you let in than the ones who are outside your gate.
Divine Love can heal all types of cuts and bruises.
What you don't know today won't hurt you but if you find out tomorrow, you'll wish you'd known about it yesterday. The pain in not knowing sooner is from the belief that there's something you could've done for things to not be THAT bad. You can't turn back time so why suffer? LET GO. This you can do today so tomorrow you won't regret being miserable about something you couldn’t have done anything about yesterday.
Why do we allow ourselves to be sad if happiness is a more desirable state of being? What is so appealing about misery that we succumb to every now and then? I'm not a sucker for pain but I know better than to pretend I'm okay when I'm really not. I don't let the feeling linger more than it should though. Things can get messy that way. I just pray, write about it, and move on.
Somewhere in The Book you'll find a verse saying, "Ask and it will be given to you". Even at my lowest lows, I don't pray for a perfect life because it's not what I want and I'm gonna make a wild guess that it's not what He has in mind for me either. In all our conversations, there's just this constant unspoken prayer: "Hold my hand and make me tougher as You allow these trials."
There is no better way to love God than by loving your unrighteous neighbor righteously.
When we look back at how we've lived, plenty of what-ifs surface. The thing about the "unlived life" is that it can only be imagined. Regret is something that we put upon ourselves for a lot of reasons EXCEPT to help us go further on in peace. Allow one good memory save you from it, then let go. Let a happy life be the "lived life" for you.
Sometimes people lie to you not because they think YOU can't handle the truth but because THEY can't.
Faith is not what it is until it is lived. Love is not what it is until it is executed in all righteousness. Hope for a better life and a better you can only be found in Him.
Focus on the right things in life and you won't go wrong.
If you want to make your life simpler, don't avoid drama. Complications arise from not dealing with what has to be dealt with.
Let the Lord in all His greatness squeeze Himself inside your heart suturing kit.
When you feel like your life is a big fiasco, don't fret. In the end, when everything has fallen perfectly into their right places, you will realize you did nothing wrong. God made you and planned your life ahead of you. He makes no mistakes.
When you feel like you're going the wrong way, let God take the steering wheel. If at some point you feel like He's taking you somewhere you don't want to go, just shut up and don't be a backseat driver. Trust Him, sit back, relax and enjoy the ride.
The good things in life are worth the wait.
The fix for a broken trust- love and understanding. For everything else, there's forgiveness.
When things are beyond your control, it means God is. Just let Him do His thing. He'll explain everything to you later.
If today indeed is the end of the world, I have no worries. It's not like there's anywhere else to go and anything you can do. I'm just gonna thank the Lord for the life that I had, the family that He gave me, the friends who added fun to my otherwise monotonous existence, and the people who have hurt me to show me HOW to love righteously the people who matter.
We're all the same in the sense that we're all different.
After a heartbreak, give your heart a break.
PUNCH- Hency's term for a short sentence that conveys a profound insight in a straightforward manner.
I'd rather be friends with Sadness than marry Regret.
If you feel like you've lost yourself, look for God and He'll tell you how to find you.
If a relationship is DOA, then DNR.
Anyone can break your heart but only you can crush your own spirit.
Love can be a lot of things but it is never selfish.
The easiest thing to do in the world is to love but reality complicates it.
If you don't love God, you can't love yourself and if you don't love you, you can't love anyone else.
MULTIPLE CHOICE. Choose:
a) Bitter Solitude b) Sweet Lies c) Bland Silence
Sleep is a temporary state of calmness before you open your eyes to see the chaos that awaits.
Mental Salad and Emotional Spaghetti don't make a great meal.
The Lord is the wind beneath my broken wings.
When something is too good to be true, chances are IT IS.
If God will always give us what we want, we'll only receive a quarter of His blessings.
June 12, 2011- Today is Philippine Independence Day. I hope that even in the midst of seemingly irreversible third world misery, every Filipino will take some time to appreciate this freedom we're having and be convinced that we are better off today than any other time in history.
God gave us hearts so He can talk to us and brains so we could teach our hearts to listen.
Everything is a blessing. Sometimes, you just don't know it yet.
Open your heart to the endless possibilities of life and you'll have lesser frustrations and disappointments.
Trust is like a piece of glass. We all know what happens when it breaks.
Life is too short to wait for somebody else to grow up.
CHANGE is a process that starts with a decision and made possible by will.
Life is always easier if you don’t care but no one is exempted from the complications brought about by not caring.
A person is not defined by the things that he does but by the pureness of his heart.
If you think you're not pretty, look at yourself the way God looks at you and you will never feel ugly again.
Humans have claimed the right to distinguish what is normal from not and being abnormal when it comes to matters of the heart is what's normal.
Life is too short to hold grudges against people who don't care about your personal happiness.
Sometimes, the only way to be in someone's life forever is to be the lesson he will never forget.
To be at peace with the past, one must be grateful for the present.
Sometimes, you gotta do something stupid to get smarter.
May the respect gained in sameness remain even when differences are recognized.
God, You complete me.
Each day is an opportunity to make your life better.
My existence is proof of YOUR existence.
You are only as strong as your faith in God.
A lot of people are sad because instead of counting their blessings, they wallow in their sorrows.
You have the power to make your life easier so don't make it harder than it already is.
Love's what's left after all that's been said and done.
If you wait for your life to become perfect to be happy, you’ll never be.
Your heart is tougher than you think and you are stronger than you can imagine.
Sometimes, what we think as the best option at the moment could give us our worst problems in the future.
The unknown can be scary because it disrupts routine but if you welcome it or simply let it happen, you'll find out that it is something you can get used to.
You find love in the strangest places and lose it in unexpected ways.
It's sad to think that one person's ideology can kill many, but all I can do from where I am is to reflect on mine and pray for Norway.
Time spent meddling with other people's lives could've been for fixing yours.
We cannot judge a person's way of coping as right or wrong because when the same thing happens to us, we realize that there is no right or wrong way of coping.
Being with someone you can’t trust is like having a blunt and rusty “stainless steel” can opener inside your kitchen drawer- POINTLESS. Throw it and get a new one.
Continue dreaming and finding ways to make them come true. However your life will be, whether you end up getting everything that you’ve worked hard for or lose more than what you were willing to sacrifice, you are still a winner for you’ve become tougher and better. The fact that you didn't just sit around and wait for your soul's death is what makes you worthy of life.
However our lives are today, there is always something better in store for us. We just have to work our way through to get there. We may feel like we're out of time or it's okay to chill a bit, but we should never stop.
Bad things happen to us every day and when you've been handed more than you can handle, you'll say your day sucked. My day sucked, yeah, but it's fine. God didn't promise sunshine every day. Even if tomorrow isn't any better, at least I know I am.
When sleep doesn't come as fast as I need it to, I don't count sheep. I'd count my blessings instead and wake up from a dreamless and restful slumber the next day.
True love transcends changes, places, and time. If yours didn't survive those challenges, it should be enough that you both had the strength needed to brave the risks in the beginning. You have loved simply by supporting each other's individual growth, even if it had to mean being physically apart, and you still continue to do so by letting each other go.
There's so much to write about, like in music where the melodies that can be created are endless.
Even if you avoid everything that may drag you to where you don't want to be, it doesn't mean you won't end up there. Just trust God and believe that a good life is for you. Even if you are in the middle of the least favorable situation you could possibly be in, you are still loved. Have faith, be patient, and see...
A lot of people seem to have a clear idea on how others should live their lives but none about how they should live their own.
I THINK: Good things happen to good people because they deserve it. Bad things happen to good people to make them tougher. Good things happen to bad people because their time is yet to come. Bad things happen to bad people because they don't change.
We ask ourselves all the time why we're here. I was done asking when I realized that our reason for living is our birth. We were brought into this world to fulfill a destiny, to walk a certain path, to take on a role that is for us alone.
Nobody is everybody's favorite person.
3 things to do when you're Sad: 1) Admit it. 2) Do something about it. 3) Win... and be Happy about it.
Fact: Nobody goes through life smoothly. Why? Coz' life's rough.
Life is a never-ending journey with countless highs and ups and downs and lows. Walk with God and no misstep, wrong turn, or detour will derail you. You won't get lost, you get to enjoy His constant company, and it will all just be a whole lot of fun.
Dancing frees the soul. It can also ease the pain of a broken heart.
Some people will pull you down a little above their level so that they can step on you as they go up. The best thing to do is to show them how to lift their arms up and take a hold of God's strong hands so He can pull them from where they are. That way, both of you won't have to get stuck down there.
When your feelings seem to be getting the better of you, call on the Lord. God is stronger than any negative emotion. I'm pissed but I'll be fine in 5...4...3...2.....
Our lies trap us in a world of deceit and pretentiousness and there is only one thing that can set us free. What is it? You can make a wild guess.
There are 3 things about God I'm absolutely positive about:
1) He is good. 2) He is powerful. 3) He loves me unconditionally.
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Thursday, August 25, 2011

TRUTH VS. LIES

I’ve been lied to so many times. My “lie-dar” has become very efficient in detecting the biggest deceptions to the most trivial of fibs, from across the table or across the miles. Whenever I feel that familiar pain from the sharp arrow of a lie that punctures my heart the moment it is said, my capacity to forgive is tested again. It hurts, yes, but the upside is I have become more understanding AND less tolerant. If you love someone enough, the inevitable arguments, long cold wars, or any other hardship that comes with a confrontation is all worth it if it releases you both from the manacles of deceit. I even had to say “goodbye” thrice, letting go of any future “hellos” again, because 'twas all either too bad or for the best. Sometimes I’d scold myself, “Why didn’t I just leave it?” as if a bond webbed with lies is still worth investing emotionally in, even if in the long run we may both get strangulated by the messy tangles. I’d be consoled by the fact that we all have a moral and social responsibility to look out for ourselves and each other. I love me, so I will only allow myself to be in a relationship and in friendships free from prevarications and pretensions. I love you, so I’m doing you a favor by being one less person you have to lie to. I won’t just sit around and watch you sow stuff I don’t want you reaping if I could give you something to think about or, at the very least, get you to THINK at all.

It’s very hard for me to talk, and write, about lying because I am confronted with my own lies as well. As trustworthy as I have become because of having experienced all sorts of pain from being lied to, the truth that EVERYBODY LIES remains and “everybody” includes me. If I deny that even for just one second, the consequence is far greater than if I lose my flair for words; I will lose my credibility as an aspiring writer and that’s one thing I can’t afford to happen. Whenever I think about all the lies that I’ve said for whatever reasons I had, it hurts me more than when I was lied to because I know it’s my bad. My own faults make it easier for me to forgive other people. Starting over, bringing back lost trust, and trying to “restore” things the way they were (FYI: I DIDN'T like the way things were), is another writing idea that could probably be twice as long as this (I’m not even halfway yet) so let’s not get into that. Where was I?

Lies. If lying is so bad, why do we still do it? Reasons aplenty, of course; that, we’ll never run out of. I used to lie whenever I wanted to drop a particular topic (I’m not in the mood, confidentiality issues, PMS, etc.) or dismiss a person (Etc., especially someone I don’t trust). How can we avoid doing it? I can’t tell. Imposing your standards and beliefs on others can only get you near their ego gates. I hate it when other people do that to me because the fact that we have our own reasons for lying means that we have our own truths as well, and we’ll stick to them no matter what. The truth that I hold on to is that I’m a good person capable of NOT lying. When I remember all the lies I’ve said in the past, it makes me feel bad enough to avoid doing it again, one situation at a time. Being in a spiritual journey is a huge help too. I can say I have become more conscientious because lying now is harder than it used to be. It’s either I make it crystal clear that I don’t want to talk about something, or I don’t talk at all. I hope everyone will consider embarking on this kind of journey, especially those who lie FOR SYMPATHY, TO HAVE A GOOD IMAGE, or FOR ACCEPTANCE because it’s just plain selfish. I’m focusing my energies on toughening up so I won’t ever be that weak.

Claiming to be someone you’re not, or twisting stories to make others believe that you are the hero or the victim of your story is something that you have to keep up. One wrong word and you’re exposed, but it’s always better if that’s the case. How pathetic is it to end up lying to your very own self? You should be able to love yourself enough to be comfortable with who you are, to admit your mistakes and be accountable for them, instead of being compelled to lie every single day. What for? Isn’t it more wonderful to be accepted for who you REALLY are rather than the person you’re not but claim to be? Is it not delighting to be loved in spite of your past and your flaws? The task for you at hand is too simple to explain: love and accept yourself first. In time, everybody else will and there will be no need for cover-ups and schemes. There will be no need to lie.

Lying is a disease. We’re all sick with it and SICK OF IT. Preaching or writing about it can only do so much. I can suffer from the pains of being lied to for an eternity or choose to move on from others’ lies and my own, but the sad reality is this: I will lie and I will be lied to again- behind my back or face to face. This planet already has countless problems and the solution to half of it is if we start with ourselves. Being as bold and honest as I am in writing about my own faults (that I’m not proud of) while disregarding another liar’s honest judgment of me just made lying a lot harder than it already is - my life easier at that. I am now obliged to write only of “my truth”; nothing more, nothing less.

I constantly pray for all the people I have lied to and hurt. I’m truly sorry and I hope they find it in their hearts to forgive me. I pray for those who have lied to me and hurt me as well. I am extending to them the same grace the Lord has given me for every lie I’ve committed. I pray for those who continue to deceive other people and hope they stop before it’s too late. I pray, most especially, for those who are being lied to today without their knowledge. May God give them the strength they need to handle the truth if and when it is made known to them.  With all of life’s most recent “surprises” that came one after the other in rapid succession, I’m so amazed at how I’m pulling through. I won’t ever trade being in the know for the less dramatic, but temporary, “blissful” ignorance. All the bad things in the world can never outshine God’s goodness. I may be hurting, but I still feel so blessed.

I’ve been lied to and I’ve lied too. Living in truth is so liberating. I highly recommend it.


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Saturday, August 20, 2011

JANUARY-APRIL 2011

The holiday season is officially over and I’m amazed to a certain extent that i did not have a single bout of nostalgia. Even in exhaustion, i feel so refreshed. There is something about that first deep breath of the cool 2011 winter air as i stepped outside the door this morning. Though the breeze smelled like it always does, the oxygen i inhaled filled my lungs with something more- HOPE.
I don't remember a time when i was THIS happy. The occasional sadness brought about by life's imperfections comes and goes but unlike before, it does not linger and serves only as a reminder that a perfect life ain't fun. Being in love has plenty of benefits. I highly recommend it.
In my 26 years of existence, the only major major mistake I regret is getting this face book profile "upgrade". It's not life threatening. It's just not working for me.
Hate is a heavy word but that’s just how I feel about my "upgraded" FB profile. Since it can't be undone, I'm just gonna let facebook be. I'll be over this in no time. I have to be. There’s poverty, recession, human rights violations and AIDS. There is war in other countries. Being so worked up over a minor change can't be MY contribution to society.
I have lost a lot because of my anger. This is as far as I’d let her hurt me. The time has come for me to crush the bitch by loving her again for the friend that she WAS because that is how I am. I have the capacity to love in spite of. I will NOT lose ME.
Deal with the bad stuff head on. If you leave it hanging around in midair, it will cloud your vision when you look up to God.
When in pain, pray hard. If you don't feel better after, pray harder.
FORGIVENESS is given not because you DON'T have a choice but because you DO and not because THE ONE who hurt you deserves it but because YOU deserve a life free of negativity and hate. I now give what was not asked of me because I CAN. Here you go Missy: YOU ARE FORGIVEN. You can either take or leave my last act of love for yah but it's yours and I’m not taking it back.
I'm on my way back to happy. No more detours this time. There are more important matters to attend to.
We tell others to be themselves when we don't know who we really are. We join different religions to have a closer relationship with God but continue with our misdeeds that lead us farther away from Him. We claim to be searching for love but when we finally have it, we let it go. If the Lord is not as powerful as we know Him to be, He must be having some serious divine migraine.
Pessimism will get you nowhere near your dreams.
The silence amidst all the noise is the voice of the Lord.
If you try to be more sensitive, you don’t need a sixth sense. You will SEE dead people every day. Lead them to the light with a smile and remind them that unlike the physical one, spiritual and emotional deaths are reversible.
Giving up your own dream to give way for someone else’s does not gauge how much you love him. It will only tell you that you don’t want it as badly as you think you do.
If you can't find a reason to live anymore, it means you didn't try.
The reason why some people wait in vain is because they want the wrong things
It is very much possible for two people from different walks of faith to have a harmonious relationship without avoiding the topic. When you talk about God, you should only feel love and nothing else.
Love is an infallible antidote for pain.
If we become more concerned of what we do to others rather than what others do to us and want for each other what we would want for ourselves, having world peace won’t be a movie joke anymore. It can be a possibility.
Telling other people they are wrong gives them the right to tell you that you are wrong.
One important lesson I’ve learned is that letting go of the pain of losing someone is not the same as forgetting him and who he was for you. If you hold on to that pain only to remember, you will lose yourself in that loss.
Who thought that a 16 hour shift at one of the busiest units in THE best hospital in the Philippines is a blessing on Valentine’s Day? That would be ME, two years ago.
Half of life's endless possibilities will not be in our favor so we have no choice but to suck it up and turn things around for us. Prozac can only give us our money's worth.
Making a living is not the same as making a life.
Tough people acknowledge their weaknesses, deal with life's shit and move on.
The one thing that scares me most is losing the ability to feel. There is nothing appealing about apathy even in the midst of inescapable misery and total fear.
The thing that makes you happy and gets you closer to God is your calling, your purpose.
It is easier to deal with confused people. You can just grab them by their tails and give them a piece of your brain. Skeptics are the bigger challenge. The only way you can get to them is when you walk your talk.
The word LIBERATED isn't the synonym of PROMISCUOUS. All you need is a dictionary to understand the difference.
The best defense is SILENCE. The greatest weapon is LOVE.
Unrequited love, trust, and respect gives immeasurable pain. If you can't give someone what he deserves, stay out of his life.
If you look at someone with love, all you will see is perfection.
The TRUTH is what you choose to believe.
Darating din ang panahon na sa sobrang pagod, ang English-sera ay magtaTagalog
Kung nasabi ko man na mas mahal kita kaysa minahal ko siya, yun lamang ay sa dahilang hindi ko na siya naaalala
Hindi baleng hindi masyadong maganda, huwag lamang maging mapanlait sa iba
Huwag mo nang isipin pa kung ano ang ginawa sayo. Ang isipin mo nalang ay kung ano ang gagawin mo
Minsan naitanong ko sa aking sarili, "Paano kaya ang buhay ko kung di kita nakilala?
Tapos naisip ko wala naman masyadong pinagkaiba. Mas masaya lang shempre na kasama kita
The SFC speaker talked about POOR people and described them as those who live apart from God. The first person who came to mind was the billionaire who created Facebook and having a God in my life enabled me to feel nothing but utmost respect for his atheistic conviction. I think saying that you are "better off" spiritually for believing in a Higher Power tells otherwise. God is Love.
Bago mo sabihing magulo ang buhay ko, linisan mo muna ang kwarto mo
The best and the worst thing about all of us is that we're not perfect. Somebody's got to love us for the mess that we are.
When I encounter trials, I don't put God's love into question for He is not punishing me but simply letting me suffer the consequences of my actions. In fact, I am so secure of His unconditional, unchanging and undying love that sometimes, I take Him for granted. Remember Him always for He never forgets you even if you forget Him.
Adults long to be kids again so they won't be expected to act like grown-ups. Kids on the other hand, want to be adults so they can finally be respected and seen as invaluable members of the society. I want to be IN LOVE so I can be reasonably stupid, thus a kid and an adult at the same time.
FAITH is not the candle that burns out when the strong winds come. It is the lamp that lights our path as we find our way out of the darkness.
I'd feel more blessed listening to a humble sinner than a self-proclaimed righteous person.
All men are created equal. The moment you think you are above anyone, you are putting yourself a level down from where God put you.
The Lord reveals Himself to us in different ways. Our individual understanding of Him comes from these unique faith experiences. Let us establish a deeper and more personal relationship with Him so we may feel fully and beyond His love, His greatness and His undeniable existence.
The act of praying is not only humbling for it shows our acknowledgment of and faith in a Higher Power who does not need to manifest Himself in supernatural ways. It is also a means of self-reflection for it is in our conversations with Him that we confront ourselves with the truth behind our thoughts and actions. Who lies when they pray anyway? It's not Him you're kidding.
Kuwaiti winter: Love it or hate it but come july and august, you will surely miss it.
I want to be a surfer in the sea of life. The people I love can either watch me paddling from the shore with their binoculars or join me in catching God's big waves for tube rides.
Having the Lord in our lives is always to our advantage. Even if you give Him nothing, He will still give you everything. He has blessed me abundantly all my life. It's high time I give something back. Lord, I give you my life. Use it to Your advantage.
A painful reality: you measure a girl’s worth to a guy by the things that he does for the love of her. You cannot love someone by meeting all her expectations and loving her exactly the way she prefers to be loved. You love her by doing the right thing in every situation. You can risk breaking her heart with the truth, but you can't afford to lose her trust with a lie.
Rather than wishing for an emotional coma when you're hurting, indulge in a spiritual work-out.
You cannot let other people tell you who you are. They may be right but they are not you.
Trust the Lord with your life. He was The One who gave it to you in the first place.
May mga bagay na naiintindihan mo naman pero nasasaktan ka parin
kasi ayaw mong magalit. Kasi tapos na. Kasi wala ka nang magagawa.
I'd like to disprove the claim that laughter is the best medicine. When you get to laugh on a bad day, that's just about it. Praying works better, at least for me, that merely watching someone while in a conversation with the Lord gives immeasurable relief. I'd then do the same and the power of that simple act would work through me unlike any other diversional activity. After that, I get to laugh again.
Remembering the life and death of Jesus at this time of the year reiterates a lesson on sacrifice and forgiveness. He taught me that as grand as the plans that we have for ourselves, we have to take part in something bigger. When we finally realize that not everything is about us, it will be easier to make sacrifices. It will then be easier to forgive and believe that we can be forgiven.
May we all rise up from our spiritual deaths to fully enjoy the greatness and goodness of God.
I am praying for a renewed faith in human love through my faith in Him.
Loving without owning is often less painful than hurting while owned.
Love with your eyes open so that you can SEE.
There are dreams that you don't want to end but when the inevitable ring from the alarm clock that you have set for yourself wakes you up from your subconscious fantasies, you have no choice but to get up and deal with reality. It's not just work you have. You have a life to live.
If you choose love, you choose God. If you choose hate, you choose you. To love or to hate is always a no-brainer. Just pick one and go. I wanna be able to choose love at all times so that whatever the consequences of loving are, Somebody's got my back. Hating is not fun. I don't want to be alone by myself.
Learning doesn't stop until death. The world is a huge classroom where students become teachers and adults can gain insight from a child's innocence. I'm happy where I'm sitting right now but if I would be given a chance to choose two seatmates for the next class, I'd like to be sandwiched between the Dalai Lama and a very drunk John Mayer.
There is no easy way to break someone's heart. Just get right down to it, be accountable for your actions and suffer the consequences.
Add me on Facebook- Hencel Lauren   =)
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