Sunday, December 30, 2012

November - December 2012

May the Lord’s will be done, today and forever...

Faith and action are directly related.

Surround yourself with people who bring out the best in you. Otherwise, you'll end up being the worst kind of person you could possibly be.

It's better to be alone than to be with people you can't trust.

When your life's journey isn't going the way you hoped it would, think of all the friends you've made along the way and you'll realize that you made the right turns.

It's amazing how the birth of one child can make life so perfect for many.

Should the end of the world come at any God-given day, I hope it finds me by my computer writing away.

As you get older, you will come to understand that being an adult is no freakin' joke.

Faith makes us understand all things beyond comprehension.

I've always thought that I had to change who I am to make a difference. Now I understand that God made me the way I am to bring forth the changes that He had planned for others. By knowing that I am capable of changing other people's lives, I am empowered to make the positive changes that I want for my own. I just have to go out there and show the world what God created me to be- MY best possible SELF.

You were born a human being. Don't downgrade yourself to a puppy just because some guy wants a pet to play "fetch" with.

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Friday, November 16, 2012

Amalayer. Yeralayer. Wadever!

Just recently, I became an aunt to a very cute and healthy baby boy named Zach Christian. Since he was born, pictures and videos of him posted by the new parents made my day. A couple of days ago, while I was looking for new pictures of him on my sister’s facebook page, I saw this you tube video link that she shared about a rude LRT passenger. The title was what caught my attention since it was a word that I haven’t come across in the many years that I’ve been reading and writing. AMALAYER (!), it read. I thought it’s about a woman jokingly telling someone that she’s a lawyer but… oh, well.

It’s gone global, and every minute it’s getting more attention than it actually deserves even just for mere cyber entertainment. You see, this kind of scene happens everywhere, every day. In the hospital for example, there are so many doctors ego trippin' (Here’s an important tip: The HUMBLE doctors are usually the BETTER ones, professionally speaking.), patients and their relatives complaining about the littlest of things after seeing the hospital bill, and nursing superiors making a big deal out of every simple mistake just so they could feel good about themselves. Almost all of us have been in an “Amalayer” situation at least once in our lives. I, for one, have been in many. There were times when I was the “Amalayer” (the bitchy one with the higher pitch), and there were times also when I was the “Amalayee” (the doormat). For the infamous “star” of the clip, the newest target of online fury, it’s plain and simple: Shit happens.  The man with the cam who posted the thing better be practicing what he just preached.

I have never been a security guard in my life and I doubt that I’ll ever be, but I have no difficulty understanding how difficult that job is. Give a nurse six patients in one shift at a private hospital and she’ll already feel tired five minutes after endorsement. I can only imagine what an LRT guard is imagining while preparing for work. Thousands of people from all over coming to and fro and all the drama that they carry with them, gosh!  The sight of a clock showing you that you have just started your work day can be enough to tick you off. But, I’ve also been reprimanded inappropriately by so many people, sometimes without plausible reasons and it sucks when I can’t fight back. That’s when I wish I had the “Amalayer guts”.  Oftentimes, verbally wrestling with a dumbass who causes me a considerable amount of anger can't fix the problem. I just think about my mother and the things she had to go through to raise me, and forgive the other person’s impeccable stupidity and ungodly manners for her sake.

Maybe the lady guard did reprimand the girl in a manner that was inappropriate -according to her standards- because there was NO seminar for that. Maybe the girl got provoked and overreacted in a “konyo” way that is SO her. Maybe the guard did not retaliate because she’s not SO “konyo”, or she was briefed on how to handle difficult passengers- THIS the government had a seminar for. Maybe the girl, educated as she claims to be, does not have a degree on how to act like one. Maybe, one or both of them are lying.  Thing is, these are two different people, with two different lives, with loved ones who are hurting because the one they care about is in an unfortunate situation. Maybe the one who took the video just got so annoyed and thought that posting something like this can make it all stop. I sure hope it would. All the security guards of the planet will be more courteous. People will learn how to act accordingly in public, no matter how strong the emotions they’re having at any given situation, because we’re all in one big reality show. The world would then be a better place. Plus, “Amalayer” can officially be a word in the dictionary.

The times my nephew was born into is not only hard; it’s unlike any other century of the past. Raising kids these days is going to be one hell of a job. It’s okay. Good thing he’s got great parents. He’s got a cool aunt too. “Ama-share” to him the things that I learned, “ama-teach” him how to deal with life one person/one situation/one day at a time, and “ama-tell” him that in life, you never know what shit you’ll get for every shitty thing that you’ll do. “Ama-use” kid-friendly words, I promise.
By now, y'all must've watched the video. But for those of you who just woke up from a coma, or have been pretending not to give a shit about the "Amalayer" phenomenon, here's the link: "AMALAYER" LRT incident (13/11/12) 
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Friday, November 2, 2012

September - October 2012

Nothing is ever easy. What makes things harder is when we cease to believe that God won't fail us. He has made everything possible, doable, even before the thought of any undertaking came to mind. His will shall be done in His time, not ours.
When you're having difficulties in setting your priorities, close your eyes for a while and the very first thing or person that comes to mind is probably the most important.
Our birthdays have been perfectly planned by God before we were born. Look forward to every birthday He'll give you for it may be your best yet.
Sensible people used to be morons who made stupid mistakes and learned from them.
The most unfortunate of circumstances could be the best thing that has ever happened to you.
Every day is an opportunity to start over.
The fastest way to get rid of your problems is to either solve them or accept that some things can't work out the way you want them to.
The worst thing you can do in life is not live.
Walang taong magmamahal sa'yo kung hindi ka marunong magmahal.
The upside AND downside of any human experience is the person you become.

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Monday, October 1, 2012

10 Reasons Why I’m “Okay” With Being A Nurse ( For Now)

      1.     I get the BILLS to pay for THE bills with my job.

2.     I may not be good at it, but I know the basics.

3.     I’m more comfortable inside hospitals than banks or bars.

4.     If I accidentally staple myself at work, I don’t have to call an ambulance or 911.

5.     I can get a free consultation just by having a chitchat with Dr. Specialist about her…dog.

6.     Nursing is my own personal brand of adventure- without going to the extremes.

7.     I can look credible in my whites even if I don’t know shit.

8.     I like hospital food. The kitchen cook is way better at cooking than I am.

9.     If I get lost for any reason, the nursing supervisor will exhaust all means to find me.

10.  This is what God wants me to be at this point in my life.


There are some days when I just want to be anywhere BUT at work. If I keep it real, I’d say almost every day. But come to think of it: Had I been a writer, would I want to actually write? I might have suffered from some sort of burnout before I could get something done. It is in nursing that I was able to witness- and experience- various emotions and all sorts of drama that inspires my writing. I have this feeling that had I been something else other than what I am today, a nurse at that, I wouldn't have realized my dream of becoming a writer. Now, more than any other day of my life, I am grateful to be in this profession. It pays my bills, contributes to my personal growth in all aspects, and inspires me in my writing. The least I can give back are some years of my life- without the daily whining. I’m working on it.

Photo courtesy of Ann Margarett

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Wednesday, September 19, 2012

28 Things...

28 Things About Me Very Few People Know:

1. I don’t like "Latik" (a kind of Filipino rice cake). The most I can eat is around 2-3 tiny bites when I’m very hungry and it’s the only edible stuff around.

2. My worst fear as a nurse is if someone will die because of my negligence.

3. I get intimidated by people who can do things that I can’t do.

4. If I don’t like someone, I interact with him more in an effort to erase the negative feelings I have for him.

5. When no.4 doesn’t work, I condition myself into not giving a shit.

6. Some of my closest friends are people I initially didn’t like. Later on, I found out that our feelings WERE mutual. Unlike mine, their reasons were valid. It took a long time too, before I was able to like myself.

7. I like seafoods. No. I LOVE seafoods. There was a time in my life when they’re all that I ate.

8. I plan my day inside the bathroom.

9. I have come to accept a long, long time ago that I do not fit into the social construct of physical beauty. If by some twisted reason someone tells me that I am beautiful according to his standards, I just smile in appreciation but it doesn’t feed my ego.

10. What feeds my ego is if I am able to give someone something to think about.

11. My priority is my family. Loving them is how I have chosen to love God.

12. Sticking to my own ideas of fun is one of the keys to my personal happiness.

13. I fall hard but I’m not easily broken. When I do break, I stitch myself up by writing.

14. I get startled easily. It’s the reason why I don’t watch horror films. I scream before the scary parts.

15. It’s very easy to make me laugh. Even the corniest jokes can mess with my breathing.

16. I am inspired by people who have a strong sense of who they are.

17. I get irritated by people who consume themselves with petty things.

18. One of the many things that I’m confused with myself is my feelings about spontaneity. I’d like to be spontaneous, but I have to plan it. It’s pretty stupid.

19. It usually takes me around 50 minutes to write a page-long blog post. It takes me 5 days to edit it. I’m a grammar freak. I’m open to corrections, as long as they are accurate, for that’s how I learn. All writers (wannabes like me, especially) are fallible and from where I am, I could use all the help that I can get.

20. I don’t like taking medications, vitamins, or food supplements. Only if it is absolutely necessary (e.g. a body temperature of 38.2 degrees Celsius and up) that a pill finds its way inside my intestines. For everything else, there’s water and long hours of rest.

21. My ideal man is… not ideal. I have a predilection for guys who aren’t “good to go”, those who need some sort of “fixing”. I’m attracted to the drama they bring. It’s one of the many things I have to “fix” about myself.

22. I’m not athletic. Tong-its, anyone?

23. I could talk to a mature, non-judgmental, insightful, sensitive, and open-minded person for as long as he can tolerate my loquaciousness.

24. I’m good at goodbyes, but not the permanent ones.

25. I usually know when someone is lying to my face.

26. I have made the decision not to enter another relationship until after I’m done with a particular “task”. Only one person in the planet knows what that is.

27. I rarely am in the mood to share about my (very) personal issues VERBALLY but if I am, I don’t care if I’m in the most unlikely place with a person I am most unlikely to bare my soul to. I WILL spill.

28. There’s more to me than anyone can ever know. (wink)

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Friday, September 14, 2012

July - August 2012

Maturity is NOT in knowing what's more important (e.g. food over blouses/bags/make-up, mortgage over luxury trips, job over cocky colleagues, family over affairs, friendship over pride, sanity over relationships, health over too much "coke" and cola, and God over EVERYTHING else). It is in ACTUALLY making decisions that PUT what matters most ABOVE the others no matter how selfish and immature you want to be, and being firm on 'em whatever else happens.

It's easier to move on from bad relationships than fake friendships. If someone made the mistake of considering you a friend and you want to hurt him, here's my advice: be perfect and UNREAL.

I once read in a pamphlet that if you don't give up sinful acts, then all you will get out of fasting is hunger and thirst. Ramadan is meant to be a morally enriching experience.

Man is constantly preoccupied with three things:
a)     past
b)     present
c)     future

If I were to describe a perfect world, the word "chaotic" will be an understatement. It is because we all have different ideas of how a perfect world should be. We're 7 billion in the world now. We can’t be egocentric and selfish.

Nurses are 10 times more likely to get cranky when hungry. Please don't take our smiles for granted especially when it's 45 minutes before endorsement time. That's when we're short on other pleasant facial expressions.

A girl in love becomes vulnerable, emotional.
A boy in love becomes every inch the man he aspires to be.

Life is simple. We just complicate it.


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Thursday, August 23, 2012

The Way To A Woman’s Vagina

I’m turning 28 in less than a month. Geesh… what a number! Whenever I think about all the things that I’ve done so far, I feel proud of myself simply because I’m still here. Shouldn’t we be all? Life’s hard. We make mistakes and feel bitterness and resentment for so many things. But, we become stronger, more able, and our lives can only get better if we believe so.

In the years that I’ve lived, I’ve been obliging. I’ve also been a bitch. I’ve been a mess and I did a good job of fixing myself up so I can make a mess of my life again. My failures are twice the number of my accomplishments, thanks to my imperfections, but I’ve become more ambitious and determined to succeed in whatever I have planned for myself. I’ve loved and lost, but I have no regrets. I’ve stayed safe for most of my planet time, mainly for purposes of self-preservation, but now I have this sudden desire to cross certain boundaries especially when it comes to my writing.

I want to be more daring. Heck! What do I know? I’ve never even been close to a mile away from tipsy, not that crapulence made my bucket list. I don’t know, but I just feel like being more open about my own take on some things that a lot of people still have problems discussing. Maybe I’m tired of emo-writing, or writing about writing. I guess I’ve gone way past that after all that I’ve written without realizing it.

I want to start today, with this blog post, but I haven’t decided on which topic to write about. I could write about my profession and how badly I want to crossover to an entirely different one (like bartending), or why I left the Roman Catholic faith, or why I support gay marriage and (ironically) support divorce as well, or about something so overrated like… sex.Whew! I managed to type the word. Lots of people have written tirelessly about it. I can’t wait to skim the Grey book and see what the cougar fuss is about.

Before I lead you bored people on with my aimless writing, I'll take a right turn and make this blog post worth its online space.I don’t have much to say about sex to write a whole page about it, so I might as well write about it now and probably, never again. It is not a part of life I want to draw attention to with my writing. As a (wannabe) writer, my aim is to give others something (else) to think about. I don’t want us thinking about sex any more than we already are.  

What about the deed? It’s done whenever, wherever. It is served at breakfast, lunch and dinner, or in between if you’re luckier than lucky. Bedrooms are overrated. There’s a puddle of mud in the garden (for Pete’s sake!), and the very private front porch. There’s an unlimited number of positions, but only a limited number of bones in the body to break. The only impediment to your next unfeigned orgasm is TIMING. It IS, like in other things, EVERYTHING.

So, how do you get to “there”? How do you get to have sex in the right place at the right time? The answer is obvious even to the oblivious. You have to be with the right person! How do you know if he/she is the right one? I have no idea. You can ask someone who’s married. But then, a lot of married people feel like they’ve married the wrong person. It’s one of the reasons why some are still out there with a broken leash on their necks. If you want to find the right person the wrong way, good luck. Affairs are the most overrated of them all.

All the vaginas can chill from this sentence onwards. Allow me to drown the penises of the world in my estrogen on their behalf. My perspective on sex is, unlike me, uncomplicated. It is too simple to be misunderstood. A normal vagina, which most women have, is always open- no gates, no barbed wires, no passcodes. The way inside is not a terrain with rocks, thorny bushes, and penile-biting plants. To legally enter its territory, you don’t have to do anything grandiose. You just have to show up and be exactly who you are. Let’s check if you’re following me. By “show up”, I mean always being there for her no matter what, loving her righteously in all ways possible. That’s hardly grandiose or anything at all if you really love her. In this aspect (prostitution aside), you get to choose “your” vagina. “Be exactly who you are” is a bit tricky. You have to be “the one”. On that aspect, the vagina "chooses" you.

Men have had the upper hand in society for ages. What they will is usually what’s done, but not in sex. Penis or vagina, we all want the same thing- an orgasmic experience in the right place at the right time, with the right person. Finding "the one" is enough to cover for the imperfections of any circumstance. For her to ALLOW you entry, there is only one requirement- her love. You don’t get it by forcing yourself in, by playing games, or taking shortcuts. The way to a woman’s vagina is through her heart.

If you are a penis who just wants to get laid, then that’s all you’d get from a vagina of the same kind. Casual sex is not worth the potential damage and drama it may bring. But if you are a man who, in spite of your worldly wisdom is yet to find his way into a vagina (figuratively, of course) of the same caliber, then in the words of the great Manny Pacquiao…

…”Now you know."  

*I’m not glamorizing pre-marital sex nor do I, in any way, promote marriage as some sort of a pass to have sex and risk being misunderstood.  I stated mutual love as the only requirement for making love because it REALLY is. Knowing and understanding the essence and purpose of marriage is never enough. Love is what’s needed to honor it every single day for the rest of your life. The level of maturity that one needs to love righteously is high enough, in my opinion, to cover both sex and relationships. If marriage is a requirement for either party, then the other can oblige at his own will out of love. People who are not mature enough to love righteously should not have sex, be in relationships, or get married.


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Sunday, August 5, 2012

Press F1 for Help (???)

My name is Hencel Lauren and I don’t have an appendix.

A few months after I bought my laptop in 2010, the F1 key came off. Other than my keyboard looking like a corn cob missing a kernel, it wasn’t that much of a problem. It’s not like it’s the Enter key or the letter H. I just kept the key and left it like that for several months. After some time, I started to be bothered about my keyboard being “incomplete”. I mean, what if I need “help”? What if I decide to sell it? So I placed the key back to where it used to be even when it can’t hold on to its place for long. It would come off occasionally whenever I press the ! key more than thrice, but my laptop looks good with it anyway, so whatever.  

It was okay like that for a while. Then, for some stupid reason during one of my not-so-lucid moments, I suction-cleaned my laptop with the dental clinic’s industrial vacuum cleaner. Yes, it sucked my very loose F1 key. I panicked and opened it and made my way through the abyss of dessert sand, dirt, hair, and all sorts of stuff. When I touched something sharp, I asked myself, “What the eff am I doing?” I could wound myself. It could get infected and it could turn into something “medical”. Did I ever get a tetanus shot? I stopped.

In the months that I’ve been using my computer, I didn’t need to press the F1 key, not even once. What’s it for anyway? What kind of “help” can it give me that I didn’t ever need in the past? I looked at my laptop and all the things it had gone through with my heavy fingers and felt a different kind of respect for it. I’ll write just one more paragraph before I start to sound really stupid.

So to get over this thing, I just thought of my laptop as myself. Like I said, I don’t have an appendix anymore but I don’t have to feel bothered about or incomplete without it. It could just be one of the many things that I could write about. And besides, if I need help for any reason, I don’t need to press anything. I just have to pray.

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Tuesday, July 10, 2012

May - June 2012

If some mystical being will give me ONLY one wish to be granted, I'd ask for an unlimited number of wishes forever.

Stress is definitely stronger than coffee.

A mother may not be physically capable of conceiving a whole army, but she can be THE army. Part of your personal strength comes from the person who raised you. I am a strong and independent woman. I was mothered well.

God can fix us. We just have to give Him all the broken pieces of ourselves.

Sometimes, when the pain is too much, you forget the best ways to deal with it.

More often, the prettiest girls are the most insecure. They want pretty all to themselves.

The most selfish thing that a person can do is to beg someone to love him back.

How can we be frank and tactful at the same time? Practice, of course, at the expense of a few friendships that were not meant to last.

It's not about what other people think. It's about what they REALLY feel.

The hardest things to accept are the ones that are about us.

An immature person cannot make a mature one deviate from his morals and values.

To find the right guy, you have to STOP looking.

Nothing can be more defeating than self-doubt. You are capable of achieving more than what you aim for. Just believe in yourself and trust God.

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Wednesday, June 13, 2012

A Letter For My SINGLE Sister

Dear SINGLE Sister,

I understand how you feel. I’m not saying this because it’s a nurse’s thing to say it. It’s because I’ve been where you are a couple of times before.

First off, I’m barely a nurse. If I didn’t have the license, I have nothing to show for it other than the bulging veins in my legs. I wake up every day and go through the motions of eating, working, writing, and sleeping. I do it with me, myself, and I. Independence can be so liberating. I walk with my head up high, figuratively, knowing that though I do not have the monopoly on skills and knowledge, I am capable of accomplishing a lot. I can count on my imperfections to get in the way of my efforts to make my days “smooth”, but that's okay. I have come to the acceptance that the days of our lives are exactly how God planned them. We must always be grateful for every single day however it ends; it was given to us for free.

Even with all these in mind, and even with the faith that I now have (stronger than it ever was), sometimes I still wish my days went by differently. During those few random moments, I find myself wanting a "different kind of change" to come so that the coming days would be… different. When I do, I remember the first time I fell in love. After that, I’d remember the second time and how it was very much like the first time. Love changes things, BIG TIME. As tempting as it is to count on love to shake things up in my life a bit, I have made the decision to shut my heart with the sign “Unavailable Until Further Notice” nailed firmly on all four sides. I’m not certain what good (or bad) it’ll do for me, but I’m not going to waste my time thinking about it. There’s plenty of work to be done (on me) and I still don’t have a foolproof game plan.

A couple of months ago, I had the luxury of time to look back at how my life had been so far and was satisfied. I wasn’t jumping up and down, as Randy Jackson would say, until after I realized that for the first time since I was 15, I’m neither in love nor STILL in love with anyone. For a second, I thought I'd feel lonely like I used to. It’s a blessing I didn’t. When you let negativity suck the hope out of you, that’s when you get soaked in misery. That’s when you wish your life was different, or start to think that (maybe) you’re “better off with anyone” than “alone” “waiting” for “the one”. That’s when you stop being grateful and take your other blessings for granted. That’s when you want love for the wrong reasons.

We don’t love because we are lonely. We love because we feel loved by God and are more cognizant of His blessings, and we know that one way to show our gratefulness to Him is to live each day the best way we can- whether there is someone or none. You don’t have to feel sad and lonely. You don’t have to settle for a human band-aid. You don’t have to wait or look for “the one” to be happy, only to find out that he’s not “it”. You don’t have to feel bitter about your relationships that didn’t work out. You don’t have to envy girls who hook up with different boys each week, or be jealous of women who had been gifted with emotionally stable men. You don’t have to be scared of the endless possibilities of how your single life will turn out to be. You just have to learn how to TRUST GOD with your heart- WITH ALL YOUR HEART.

Happiness is a state of being. On the aspect of being single, it can be achieved by realizing that you’ve been with THE ONE all along, and that He’s found you long before you first felt lost without someone. Happiness can be found in God alone and if you seek Him first before anything or anyone else, you will feel nothing but blessed to the highest exponential power. Yes, you’ll still wish you have someone to extend that overflowing love from Him to. But unlike before, you wouldn’t feel like you’re living for nothing just because you’re not in a relationship. You ALREADY have one WITH HIM. Work on it and stop having an affair with negativity. Enjoy your single life because when the man that He had planned for you comes along, you’re never gonna be single forever. And yeah, stay available and avoid complicated set-ups and arrangements.

Do you feel better already? I sure hope so. As for me, I think the thing I REALLY need to make my days different is to go back to doing something that has always brought me immense happiness.

I gotta get back to reading.

Hencel Lauren

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Sunday, May 27, 2012

Why I Write

In the advent of modern technology, when we have our drawers and pockets filled with the latest gizmos and gadgets… nah. I don’t write like this.

These days, when there are so many other things that an indolent and unaffected person can do, reading books (even the good ones) has lost its appeal. Why? Because it’s boring. If you are a person who spends most of your “awake” time with your “love/life”, or Facebook, or window shopping, or chatting, or anything else that does not require a hardbound Paolo Coelho, ask yourself the title of the last book you read. Then, ask yourself when you read it. If you say college, I understand. Probably, after those four years of sleep deprivation for a variety of reasons except actually studying, you just didn’t have the time. There were other things you needed to do. And, after you’re done with those things, there are plenty more- like kids, then marriage… or vice versa. Have you even read the Bible? Before August 2011, I only know one verse- 1 John 15:12. It’s because we were asked to memorize it in Sunday school. My grandfather Asiong, who died with Alzheimer’s February of 2011, would’ve been so proud.

Yes, reading can be boring for some. But, do you know of an activity that is more boring by a mile than sitting somewhere with five kilos of paper? Yes (again), writing can suck the life out of you before you even type your first word. I could go without mentioning that awkward silence in your brain that can kill your cells, one at a time, when you have a “ (wannabe) writer’s block”. Try to remember the last write-up you did on something that is supposedly important. Then, ask yourself when you wrote it. If you say college, I understand. Before today, writing was just one of the many things that I can do- like burning food, cross-stitching horses, and my favorite… dealing with break-up drama. After all the blog posts, songs, and poems that I’ve written, my exes must be so proud of me for how I chose to fix what they broke. This is awesome therapy and I’ve gotten better since… yeah. I offer no apologies. Though without inhibitions, I’d like to think that I’ve written about my pain beautifully. I know no other way of dealing with it anyway. I don't drink, smoke, or gamble. I do not hook-up with strangers... or "friends", and I'd rather play dead than play with someone's heart just because someone toyed with mine.

Let’s get back to the dull part. If writing- among so many other things that an uber busy or disinterested person doesn’t have the time for- is so boring, then why do I put it upon myself to write? Why do I write and not care even when nobody would give a rat’s ass about my crap? Why can’t I just do something else… like everybody else? 

A person who was curious about my Scribbles visited my blog and told me that my writings about very personal matters are “very personal” and shouldn’t be made public because (drumroll) other people “will know” about them. Well, that’s why they’re there. Putting a band-aid over a wound for a long time might lead to infection. Why not leave it open to dry, then heal? Before you know it, the scab is gone and all you have is a keloid to remind you of that (once) painful cut. While looking at it, you might ask yourself, “Why did I have to go through all that?” What is it about getting hurt that makes any sense? If you ask me, my answer is simple. I don’t know, but I’m cool with it. Right now, I just want to make something beautiful out of every unfortunate thing that has ever happened to me.

So, to answer the question about why I put it upon myself to indulge in this very boring activity, I now cite my two reasons:                                                

Reason 1
...for myself. I write because I want to, love to, NEED to. I write because it doesn’t bore me; it saves me from boredom. I write because I CAN.

Reason 2
...for YOU, the one with the pharmacy of band-aids piled over that cut in her finger (before it turns into something “medical" like gangrene). If my stories of darkness can enlighten even just one person, then all the shit I’ve been through and the time it took for me to write about it were all worth it. I hope you’d feel the same way after reading any of my so-called “crap”. I make sure that the garbage I feed y’all is worth your time each time, because I owe you more than you could ever owe me for whatever’s in it. After all... 

...reading is boring. (wink)

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Tuesday, May 8, 2012

My Definition of "Forever"

If there is something that scares me more than marital domestication, it is permanence. I feel weird saying that today considering that for most of my life, change was what brought me the most amount of discomfort. Change derailed me, left me in a daze for long periods of time, and made my faith suffer to the point of distrust in God that it was for my sake. Change used to be “the” bitch. Now, I AM.

I don’t know. Maybe it’s because I've accepted that change is permanent. It may sound paradoxical if you put those two words together in a sentence like that but in reality, who cares? Things happen and you gotta deal with them, period. With all the things that happened to me from then, and with change happening every second of my now, I have no choice but to suck it up and get going. So far, I’m doing great. Or maybe, I’m going too far with liking change. I can’t stay stuck in any circumstance anymore. Something has to change for me every single time. I stick to my own ideas of fun as one of the keys to my personal happiness, of course, but these change too. It could be any kind of change, as long as it’s not nothing.

Maybe I get this “I’m up for anything” kind of attitude from having this faith that I can’t even begin to explain. The sense of security that I get from trusting God makes me feel that whatever happens, I’ll do just fine. This “trust” comes in handy especially with the nature of life being imperfect. It’s okay to not be okay today because tomorrow, a change is gonna come. You will be where you were planned by Him to be, and that “trust” that I’m talking about only gets stronger, with every experience more divine.

But what about in love? What about every girl’s dream to have someone to spend the rest of her life with? I’m not like “every girl”, I guess. I don’t mean to give anyone any reason to believe that I'm not an emotionally stable person because in the past, I was the only one who showed every inch of that kind of stability. I have come to believe that we all have more than one soul mate, and that we meet each of them at a certain point in our lives when our energies match. If you’ve fallen in love with someone who wanted the same kind of relationship that you did at the exact same moment in your lives, and you guys fell apart the minute you both started to “not like” what you had a little more than later, then you  -yes, YOU- know what I’m talking about. That’s what happened to me, err... more than once.

So, what is my definition of "forever" now that I’m a huge fan of change?

I’ll get back to you when I figure that out.

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Thursday, May 3, 2012

March – April 2012

There’s always a reason to be hopeful that a love to last a lifetime is just around the corner, waiting to happen.

In the end, it’s not about how much you were loved but how much love you’ve given.

Sometimes, we want to forget the truth to avoid remembering the lies.

Don’t expect from anyone what nobody can expect from you.

Learn from your mistakes and value your experiences no matter how painful they are. The things that happen to us are meant to help make us better- not bitter.

Only in darkness can we appreciate God’s gift of light.

Truth: Life can never be perfect because NOBODY is.

A bad person is someone who used to be good- then got confused. Telling the difference between good and evil is just one of humanity’s weaknesses. It is somewhere in the list next to love.

I absolutely dislike people who make others feel bad just so they could feel good about themselves. And the only reason I dislike them is because hate is a strong word.

Make your own decisions and be accountable for your actions. If you realize you were wrong, trust that you are capable of turning things around before the consequences of your choices hit you in the face, big time.

Don’t just be a part of something. Be Someone. Be YOU.

A good friend is someone who COMFORTS you when you realize you've done something wrong and tells you how to make things right. A great friend is someone who CONFRONTS you when you’re doing something wrong and stands by you as you make things right before it’s too late.

I'd rather be upset about being tired than tired of being upset.

Nothing comes from nothing.

Don't take things at face value. There's always more to what you can see on the surface.

Apologies are for people; Repentance is for the Lord. You are sincere only after you have taken that first step to leading a better life. Otherwise, apologies are just words, and repentance- a mere idea.

The next time you meet someone who seems so sure of himself, ask him this simple question: “Who are you?” You could get a pretty amusing answer.

If you're confused as to whether someone is a two-faced liar or just a selfish bitch, chances are she’s BOTH.

It’s hard to NOT want to hurt someone you hate. You gotta love God more so it'd be easier.

Very few people have the courage to follow their heart and walk the path less travelled because the road where everybody is seems so easy- thus, better. Having company is good, and it makes you feel that you were right to some level when you made your choice. But how great is it to be secure that wherever you go alone, you are NOT alone? In my decisions, victories, and mistakes- I am with God always. The life and death of a Jew taught me this: Live your faith and be willing to die for it. Jesus saved me in a different way. For that, I will always be grateful.

What you say about other people says more about you.

With arrogance comes stupidity. Why?
Because the space in the head where the brain should be is all ego.

When you think everything about your life is going wrong, YOU'RE WRONG. The only way to understand what's right is to experience otherwise. How you are today is just the beginning of all things wonderful for God's love does not falter or fail.

The one thing that can make a woman fall for a man is EFFORT.

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Friday, April 27, 2012

Top 10 Things I Learned on Facebook

      This is in random order.
      1.     Don’t judge a person by his profile picture... or if he "likes" his own posts and photos.

      2.     Posts can be deceiving. But then, you are what you post. Go figure.

      3.     Adding someone you defriended for unreasonable reasons is called an "apology".

      4.     Asking for financial help on someone’s wall for everyone to see is beyond annoying.

      5.     The difference between YOUR and YOU’RE is too complicated for a lot of people.

      6.     Assuming that everyone cares about everything you post is just plain narcissistic.

      7.     Before you update your relationship status, be sure about the relationship- or your status.

      8.     Adding your boyfriend’s exes to HIS friends list to spy on them is so lame. Get a life.

      9.     Tagging someone to a post meant to ridicule him is ridiculous.

     10.  Remember the Golden Rule when posting unflattering photos of your friends.

     By Hencel Lauren
     Facebook-err since 2009

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Thursday, April 19, 2012

Because I Can

I’ll let you in through a door
Where no outsiders are allowed
Forsaking all caution
I’ll let down my guard
Why? Because I can.

Questions won’t be asked
Stones will be left unturned
I’ll let you take all I have
And get none in return
Why? Because I can.

Take my heart in your fist
You may squeeze as you wish
Take your fill as I bleed
Go on…
Go on…
(Seriously, I’m not serious)
I’ll let you because I can.

Leave if you must
I won’t try to make you stay
I’ll love you ‘til it hurts
And ‘til the pain goes away
Why? Because I can.

I won’t find reasons to be angry
Or speak words of hate
If forever today isn’t likely
I’ll leave it all to fate
Why? Because I can.

But what if I don’t want to be like that?
What if I choose to be a bitch?
Who’d let you in then shut you out
Give you queries ‘til you twitch

I’d grate your heart like cheese
I’d take my fill as you bleed (I’m serious)
I’d throw your body but chain your soul
I’d write about you ‘til you cough out your b*lls

You should know by now.
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Friday, March 9, 2012

Date a Girl Who Writes

I’ve read about girls who eat and guys who read and why you should date them. Reasons aplenty, of course, and some people had to go through all the trouble just to throw them out there for everybody’s information. You see, in this world we're in, the girls who eat are gluttons and the guys who read do it inside the closet. Oh well, what to do yani? My only weapon against social constructs is my MS Word. Let me give you a few more things to think about so you can explore other dating options. Why not date a girl who writes? Give yourself a break from dating “socially normal”, "go-wit'-da-flo" people. Normal is ordinary. Ordinary is boring.

But before all that, I want y’all to know that I only wrote this blog post for fun. I just want to throw that in, in case someone might think that I’m doing this for some vested interest. I may be a girl who writes, but I’m also a post traumatic break-up walking case file so FYI, I have no interest in dating especially in my present state of y’all-know-what. I’m better off single, at least in the next several months- to years (awkward silence, with crickets chirping in the background). I guess I’ll stop at that.

I’m not the first person to have this writing idea. There’s,,, and more in the 49800000 Yahoo search results in my computer. It makes me happy to read other people’s work. I think they’re spot on with a lot of the things that they’ve written, and they've inspired me to write about my own take on this. Let’s start.

Date a Girl Who Writes

Why not, right? If you could date anyone from a socialite to a lizard enthusiast, what danger would it be to have a nice and simple dinner with a girl who can write all about it in her journal? No matter where you took her, no matter how long you had to wait for a table, and no matter how sucky the food or service was, she will always find something good about the experience worth immortalizing into words. Ask her if she enjoyed her meal and she might just give you a nod. When the time comes when she trusts you enough to let you read what she wrote about your first date, bring a tissue. Your mouth might water when you read about that piece of carrot you pushed at the side of your plate. As a writer (in her own right), she has a way with words. She is capable of making a piece of root vegetable delectable for your reading palate. She can bring you back in time to that first meal you shared and everything wonderful about it. She can make you forget that you were late on your date, or didn’t shave, or didn’t say the right words. She can make the awkward moments seem sweet, and the best part she’d mention is probably the last thing you can remember, so stick around for that.

If you ask her if she could be your girlfriend, she’d probably accept your offer of commitment with a letter that will give you more reasons to commit. She’ll surprise you with sweet notes tucked under your stuff or inside your lunch bag, and send you messages telling you about how lucky of a girl she is to have you as her boyfriend. Every month, she’ll send you a card saying that she’s never been so happy, and that you are the best thing that has EVER happened to her when you can’t even figure out how that can EVER be possible.

Since talking is not so much her thing, she’s a good listener. She’ll listen to your exaggerated stories of near death experiences and thoughtless escapades, and your rants about your boss and your hair and your pants. She’ll listen to you complain about every single thing that upsets you, and you can tell her anything that bothers you. She is open-minded, non-judgmental, trustworthy, sympathetic, and empathetic, so you don’t have to worry about sounding petty or unreasonable. When you tell her your problems, she will not offer ideal solutions; she will offer herself, her time, and her shoulders for you to cry on. Yes, you can cry to her- but not so much. She may be all that she is, but she's still a girl. Girls freak out when their boyfriends get too weepy for primetime.

She talks too. She says her words like how she'd write 'em. She is a good conversationalist and you can talk to her about anything- from the most incredible real life stories to the most absurd of fantasies. She can tell a few jokes. She may not nail them as she unmistakably can if she writes them instead, but her efforts to amuse you will make you love her even more. She’s not gonna stick to that for long though, for she is most comfortable expressing herself through writing. While you’ve bared all of you to her, more through your nonverbal gestures and facial expressions than your “occasional” loquaciousness, what you know about her may just be the tip of the iceberg. When she talks, listen to what she’s not saying. Watch her like she’d watch you and when you get a hold of anything that she has written, read between the lines. She may seem shallow or childish at times but her depth can surprise you, and her wisdom may be beyond both your years.

Relationships aren’t perfect just like the two people in it, so it is expected that you’ll have some low times. When she’s mad, she could react in varied ways just like you would when you’re the one hitting his boiling point. She may shout stuff or shut down like you probably would too, but there’s definitely gonna be some writing involved on her part. In her anger, she may write things that your fragile ego cannot take. But she understands that words, written or spoken, once made known cannot be taken back, so she’d hit the backspace button till her very first “angry word” has been erased. She’d start over, writing her truth skillfully in an uninhibited but tasteful manner, and would leave nothing out. It may be enough to settle your differences assuming that you’ve done your part as well. But, in the event that you didn’t like what you’ve read in spite of her efforts, know that no amount of sugar coating or fake apologies can fix what’s broken. You're dealing with a human being here. Get real, get over it or get it over with, and move on. 

After some time, when (you're sure) you’re ready and deserving of someone of her caliber, maybe- just maybe- you can ask her to marry you. Of course it would be stupid to let her go or keep her hanging for nothing, dumbass. If she says no, wait. If she says yes, take it as more than a yes. Take it as a compliment, for a girl like her knows the difference between “settling down” and “settling”. While it would give you immense happiness that you were not turned down by a mythical being, don’t forget that with God’s grace and divine guidance, it was you who found her. Take credit for the actual fact that you had the balls to ask her out on a date, and that you were man enough to stand by her through her “not so usual” moods and undertakings. She won’t settle for just any guy, or marry for the sake of marrying someone. She knows her worth and knows that she deserves only the best. Take pride in the implied fact that for her, YOU ARE THE BEST.

While wedding preparations require a tremendous amount of time, money, and effort, there's added pressure on your part when it comes to your vows. Questioning her abilities to come up with a “dope” vow is out of the question. She’s got hers covered. You don’t have to come up with an almost unreal speech with verbal pyrotechnics. You just have to speak from your heart and let the love that you have for her overflow with every word you say. There's a 50% chance you could trump her on this one if you stick to the basics and hold yourself together. I've warned you about the crying. Don’t outmatch your mother-in-law in a sob fest.

I think I’ve gotten way too far about this thing. All the happily ever after aside, what if it didn’t work out with her? I mean, if you make it past the wedding, you can expect a life filled with post-it covered furnitures, poetry, letters, (fingers crossed) book tours, and (wishful thinking) Oscar after-parties. But what if there were no sparks on the first date, or you weren't so sure about jumping into a relationship with her or anyone for that matter, or she declined your offer of commitment because there was just something about you that she didn’t particularly like? What if halfway through the relationship, you/she /weren't/wasn’t feeling “it” anymore, or you couldn’t stand her weirdness, or you just couldn’t wait until she’s ready to get hitched? What if you break her heart? By now, you must already know about Adele and Taylor Swift, and a few more people who are turning their heartaches into tangible, green cash. You must also know about the girl who writes, whose blog you’re reading right now.

Date a girl who writes… at your own risk.

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Thursday, March 1, 2012

Steve Jobs

"Your time is limited, so don't waste it living someone else's life. Don't be trapped by dogma — which is living with the results of other people's thinking. Don't let the noise of others' opinions drown out your own inner voice. And most important, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition. They somehow already know what you truly want to become. Everything else is secondary." -- Steve Jobs, 1955-2011

I didn’t know about Steve Jobs until after he resigned as CEO of his company. I don’t even own any of his apples... yet.

When I was younger, I thought 27 year olds had it all figured out. I thought, “People their age must know who they are and what they’re doing”. Now that I’m older, it could only be one of two things: a) I was young, na├»ve, and very wrong, or b) I’m the only 27 year old in the planet who can’t figure out shit. A or B, I’m cool. You see, A) with youth comes naivety. I haven’t met a fourth grader who has a monopoly of knowledge, is stable on all aspects of his being, and with a strong sense of purpose. Kids can tell you what they want to become, but they can’t tell you who they are. With B… oh well. What to do yani?

Let’s get back to the guy who inspired me to create this “Words I Wish I’d Written” category. I think what he’s trying to get across is too simple to miss, but very hard to apply. Not many people are daring enough to cross society’s invisible- but palpable- boundaries. A lot of people just want to fit in; very few want to stand out. The latter rarely succeed- publicly, of course. But I’m sure, deep within them, they have a greater sense of peace with their individuality than those who appear to be accepted and loved by people who don’t REALLY care about who they REALLY are. Just thinking about them crushes me emotionally because I used to be like them. I was compelled to live by society’s standards for plenty of reasons but my personal happiness. When you’re younger, you do it for your parents. When you’re older, it is something that you do to yourself. And if you spend your very short life trying to please others for acceptance, you’re gonna have a hard time forgiving yourself in your deathbed.

We are entitled to live our lives RESPONSIBLY the way we see fit and can make us happy. I am a strong and independent 27 year old who does not know a lot of shit, but can deal with her own. I don’t have to be a nurse (forever) just because that’s what I went to college for. I don’t have to look like Paris Hilton if, and I say IF, what I really want is to look like the girl with the dragon tattoo. I don’t have to be a Catholic just because I was baptized before I could discern which way of life is for me. I don’t have to believe the people who say that I can’t be what I want to be, when the only reason I won’t be is if I won’t write. I don’t have to write a commercially appealing blog post if it can’t get across what my heart truly speaks. I don’t have to be a “seemingly together” 27-year-old; I just have to figure some shit out so that everything can fall into their perfect places. I think I’m off to a good start internalizing quotes from a person working with apples.
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Monday, February 27, 2012

January - February 2012

We will always find ourselves in situations wherein we have no other choice but to “suck it up”, then “suck in” all the lessons we can get, so the coming days that will become years won’t be so bad.

As true as it is that you can’t trust anyone, sometimes even yourself, you’ll be stuck where you are if you don’t put your full trust in God.

God is our shield. He is greater than any wall China can build, and impenetrable unlike the US-Mexico border fences.

Love yourself for all that you are.

A person who thinks that he can outsmart the world is- NOT SO SMART.

You will find true love ONLY AFTER you have learned how to truly love someone.

God speaks to us in ways we can understand.

Your faith is your best asset.

A curse is a blessing in disguise. God is good, ALWAYS.

When someone can't fit in your life, it means he's not meant to be a part of it.

Anger can always turn you into something you’re not. Chill.

Life is what you make it. Make it happy.

God has an unlimited supply of love, hope, and forgiveness for those who seek Him. His gift of healing can do what chemo, radiation treatments, and transplants can't; it can cure the spirit's illnesses and soothe the heart's wounds. I couldn't think of a better medicine than inner peace through God's grace.

Genuine happiness is possible in spite of life’s imperfections. For a lot of things that upset us and are beyond our control, there’s acceptance and faith.

Bad: Writer's block
Worse: Mind block
Worst: Heart block

Time spent doing things for God's greater glory is never wasted.

Don’t waste your time with Mr. Wrong. Make yourself available for Mr. Right.

Some things are not meant to be understood- only felt.

Optimism makes life easier. You see the good in every bad situation, make better decisions, have lesser regrets, and become more grateful with whatever life has to offer.
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Saturday, February 25, 2012

10 Taong 'Di Dapat Patulan (in no particular order)

1. Taong galit- try mo

2. Taong lasing- try mo din

3. Taong sawi sa pag-ibig- try mo pa

4. Taong bagong gising- tulog pa yan 

5. Taong sinungaling- hindi yan aamin

6. Taong nagmamagaling- mali lahat ng sasabihin mo

7. Taong di makaintindi- mapapagod kang kaka-explain

8. Taong mapanira- madadamay ka sa galit niya sa ibang tao

9. Taong nagyayabang- banatan mo pa at mayabang ka na rin

10. Taong nagpaparinig- magmumukha kang bastos. Don’t interrupt a monologue.
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Monday, February 20, 2012

Of Crowns and Bridges

There are so many words to describe the past few weeks of my life; I wouldn’t even begin to do so. I’m just so relieved to finally be where I am, sweeping the cobwebs off my blog’s walls and corners. Finally, I can start over even without starting anything. Waiting sucks, yes, but there are tougher words in my vocabulary. I hope the drama stays where I left it. I don’t want it anywhere near me, ever again.

The past aside, my future looks bright. I will still be in the same salary category (remuneration is proportionately equal to expenditure) after I’m done with my present state of non-productivity. A lot of people probably think I’m “rich” by now. I think that’s RIDICULOUS but I forgive them (they can stick their toes in my shoes anytime). Nah, I’m just bitter they’re wrong. The only thing that’s gonna be bright about my future, if I stay in these nursing jobs, is my trip home for (probably) the most fulfilling moment of my life. My brother’s education is my best investment. I promise to wear high heels and make-up on his graduation day.

Speaking about jobs, don’t roll your eyes on me if I tell you I love (or- am loving?) mine. In a world where money matters more than we allow it in ourselves to, work is not only for the purpose of sustenance. Yes, it can be the cause of enumerable problems and almost-intolerable misery, but it also keeps our sanity intact. It is a powerful diversion from other issues of humanity, like love and the lack or absense of it, and it burns those fats. It’s one of the reasons why I’m still single and… 52 kilos. “Sexy” is subjective.

Sigh, sigh, sigh. When I talk about Nursing, I remember all the jobs I had. Hospitals are the same and will always be how they are- TOXIC. They only differ in policies and board members. Clinics are… well, they’re clinics. Dental clinics are no exception. In my (almost) two years as an OB-GYNE nurse in the Philippines, I only have a handful of crystal clear memories. The days passed by in a blur; one shift came even before one ended. I’m like, was I ever 24? My dental nursing experience was a striking contrast. If only tedium can kill, I’m telling you, I wouldn’t be here. What kept me alive? Writing.

Nevertheless, I am oh-so grateful for my “teeth time”. I’ve learned SO MUCH, but I will not enumerate. The moment I left, I knew exactly why God kept me in that place for two years: my family, my dream, my spiritual and personal growth, and my professional betterment. Is there a nursing school in the Philippines that offers units in Dental Nursing? Tell me, tell me.

Things, good and bad, happen for a reason. Though this is what I’ve been waiting for two years, it’s not going back to collaborative nursing in the hospital setting that I’m so enthusiastic about. I’m excited for what God had planned for me- here. I’m ready to put on that first day smile, with my (now) straight teeth.  Let’s see ‘em, VA-bies!

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Saturday, February 18, 2012

Dear God, Tinatamad Ako

Dear God,

Father, I am spent with doing nothing and with “nothing”, I mean the thing I love doing most. Even after two bouts of lbm, I still feel constipated. There’s just so much inside of me, waiting to be put into words. They are waiting still.

You know like You know all of me that this is not my first time with this “affliction”, and that this won’t be my last. While external factors may contribute to some extent, with Your grace they pass. When they have and my writing ideas are still as they are- mere ideas-, it’s my bad. Indolence is man’s perpetual enemy.

Lord, this wrestling match with myself is getting old. In these times, when all I need is “that push”, the very force that made me type my first word, my instinct is to look up to You. My sense of purpose is renewed, Your voice within me gets louder by the second, and my fingers begin to have a life of their own, with every word I type ONLY for Your greater glory. I am grateful again for everything, good AND bad, that made me start, stop, and continue writing.  I feel very blessed.

You are above all things. I entrust to you my dreams and aspirations.  When things get shaky, let it not be a reason for me to dilly-dally, but to have more things to write about.

I love You more than I can tell- in writing.

Your writer wannabe daughter,
Hencel Lauren

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Tuesday, January 17, 2012

A Letter for a Brother

Dear Bro,

I am writing this letter with the hope that you’d come across it in your daily net browsing.

Though my head was filled with words to write for you, I found myself unable to spontaneously type them. It is because of the fact that I don’t know you well. When I try to remember the times we spent together as members of the same community, and the minutes we engaged in short but insightful conversations, I realized that they were very few. My apologies for not having reached out to you more often than I wish I did. If I could only turn back time, that’s what I’d do.

You may not have noticed, but I see you. Yes, I see you when you do things for other people. I see you when you do things for God. I see you whenever you bow your head to worship Him. I see you whenever you raise your arms to praise Him. And whenever I hear you shouting your praises to Him, I feel like my own prayers are amplified. The power in your voice carries with it whatever my heart whispers in silence. Your faith is what makes you very... charming

I have seen Jesus through you. May you never lose what makes you special.

Your sister forever,
Hencel Lauren 
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Friday, January 6, 2012

Magkasing-bobo Lang Tayo

‘Pag may nagsasabing matalino ako
Ako’y natatawa sa hiya
Mga bagay na ‘di kaya ng utak ko
Bigla kong naaalala

Math at Physics nalang halimbawa
Chemistry at Logic ko’y pasang-awa
Tatlo lamang ang alam kong luto:
Hilaw, sunog, at tsamba

Oras ng pagligo’y ‘di matantiya
Late ngayon at bukas, pati sa makalawa
Kuripot nga, pero ‘di alam pa’no mag-ipon
Nars ako ngunit ‘pag nagkakasakit…
Sa nanay kong teacher ako nagtatanong

I thought friends kami, siya pala’y enemy ko
Yung mga ‘di ko type, naging boyfriend/s ko
Yung akala kong tama, mali pala
Yung ‘di ko dapat pagkatiwalaan…
Madalas, dun pa’ko naniniwala

Hindi lahat ng bagay sa mundo
Nadadaan sa pa-English-English lang
Kung magaling kang magprito
Sa akin, ika’y may isang lamang

Kaya aking kapatid, ito’y tandaan mo
We’re the same; Matalino tayo
Kung ‘di man, isa lang ang ibig sabihin nun
Ano pa ba? Edi, we’re magkasing-bobo.
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