Friday, March 9, 2012

Date a Girl Who Writes

I’ve read about girls who eat and guys who read and why you should date them. Reasons aplenty, of course, and some people had to go through all the trouble just to throw them out there for everybody’s information. You see, in this world we're in, the girls who eat are gluttons and the guys who read do it inside the closet. Oh well, what to do yani? My only weapon against social constructs is my MS Word. Let me give you a few more things to think about so you can explore other dating options. Why not date a girl who writes? Give yourself a break from dating “socially normal”, "go-wit'-da-flo" people. Normal is ordinary. Ordinary is boring.

But before all that, I want y’all to know that I only wrote this blog post for fun. I just want to throw that in, in case someone might think that I’m doing this for some vested interest. I may be a girl who writes, but I’m also a post traumatic break-up walking case file so FYI, I have no interest in dating especially in my present state of y’all-know-what. I’m better off single, at least in the next several months- to years (awkward silence, with crickets chirping in the background). I guess I’ll stop at that.

I’m not the first person to have this writing idea. There’s freakishdiary.blogspot.com,
mugendi.wordpress.com, kyleeshields.blogspot.com, and more in the 49800000 Yahoo search results in my computer. It makes me happy to read other people’s work. I think they’re spot on with a lot of the things that they’ve written, and they've inspired me to write about my own take on this. Let’s start.


Date a Girl Who Writes

Why not, right? If you could date anyone from a socialite to a lizard enthusiast, what danger would it be to have a nice and simple dinner with a girl who can write all about it in her journal? No matter where you took her, no matter how long you had to wait for a table, and no matter how sucky the food or service was, she will always find something good about the experience worth immortalizing into words. Ask her if she enjoyed her meal and she might just give you a nod. When the time comes when she trusts you enough to let you read what she wrote about your first date, bring a tissue. Your mouth might water when you read about that piece of carrot you pushed at the side of your plate. As a writer (in her own right), she has a way with words. She is capable of making a piece of root vegetable delectable for your reading palate. She can bring you back in time to that first meal you shared and everything wonderful about it. She can make you forget that you were late on your date, or didn’t shave, or didn’t say the right words. She can make the awkward moments seem sweet, and the best part she’d mention is probably the last thing you can remember, so stick around for that.

If you ask her if she could be your girlfriend, she’d probably accept your offer of commitment with a letter that will give you more reasons to commit. She’ll surprise you with sweet notes tucked under your stuff or inside your lunch bag, and send you messages telling you about how lucky of a girl she is to have you as her boyfriend. Every month, she’ll send you a card saying that she’s never been so happy, and that you are the best thing that has EVER happened to her when you can’t even figure out how that can EVER be possible.

Since talking is not so much her thing, she’s a good listener. She’ll listen to your exaggerated stories of near death experiences and thoughtless escapades, and your rants about your boss and your hair and your pants. She’ll listen to you complain about every single thing that upsets you, and you can tell her anything that bothers you. She is open-minded, non-judgmental, trustworthy, sympathetic, and empathetic, so you don’t have to worry about sounding petty or unreasonable. When you tell her your problems, she will not offer ideal solutions; she will offer herself, her time, and her shoulders for you to cry on. Yes, you can cry to her- but not so much. She may be all that she is, but she's still a girl. Girls freak out when their boyfriends get too weepy for primetime.

She talks too. She says her words like how she'd write 'em. She is a good conversationalist and you can talk to her about anything- from the most incredible real life stories to the most absurd of fantasies. She can tell a few jokes. She may not nail them as she unmistakably can if she writes them instead, but her efforts to amuse you will make you love her even more. She’s not gonna stick to that for long though, for she is most comfortable expressing herself through writing. While you’ve bared all of you to her, more through your nonverbal gestures and facial expressions than your “occasional” loquaciousness, what you know about her may just be the tip of the iceberg. When she talks, listen to what she’s not saying. Watch her like she’d watch you and when you get a hold of anything that she has written, read between the lines. She may seem shallow or childish at times but her depth can surprise you, and her wisdom may be beyond both your years.

Relationships aren’t perfect just like the two people in it, so it is expected that you’ll have some low times. When she’s mad, she could react in varied ways just like you would when you’re the one hitting his boiling point. She may shout stuff or shut down like you probably would too, but there’s definitely gonna be some writing involved on her part. In her anger, she may write things that your fragile ego cannot take. But she understands that words, written or spoken, once made known cannot be taken back, so she’d hit the backspace button till her very first “angry word” has been erased. She’d start over, writing her truth skillfully in an uninhibited but tasteful manner, and would leave nothing out. It may be enough to settle your differences assuming that you’ve done your part as well. But, in the event that you didn’t like what you’ve read in spite of her efforts, know that no amount of sugar coating or fake apologies can fix what’s broken. You're dealing with a human being here. Get real, get over it or get it over with, and move on. 

After some time, when (you're sure) you’re ready and deserving of someone of her caliber, maybe- just maybe- you can ask her to marry you. Of course it would be stupid to let her go or keep her hanging for nothing, dumbass. If she says no, wait. If she says yes, take it as more than a yes. Take it as a compliment, for a girl like her knows the difference between “settling down” and “settling”. While it would give you immense happiness that you were not turned down by a mythical being, don’t forget that with God’s grace and divine guidance, it was you who found her. Take credit for the actual fact that you had the balls to ask her out on a date, and that you were man enough to stand by her through her “not so usual” moods and undertakings. She won’t settle for just any guy, or marry for the sake of marrying someone. She knows her worth and knows that she deserves only the best. Take pride in the implied fact that for her, YOU ARE THE BEST.

While wedding preparations require a tremendous amount of time, money, and effort, there's added pressure on your part when it comes to your vows. Questioning her abilities to come up with a “dope” vow is out of the question. She’s got hers covered. You don’t have to come up with an almost unreal speech with verbal pyrotechnics. You just have to speak from your heart and let the love that you have for her overflow with every word you say. There's a 50% chance you could trump her on this one if you stick to the basics and hold yourself together. I've warned you about the crying. Don’t outmatch your mother-in-law in a sob fest.

I think I’ve gotten way too far about this thing. All the happily ever after aside, what if it didn’t work out with her? I mean, if you make it past the wedding, you can expect a life filled with post-it covered furnitures, poetry, letters, (fingers crossed) book tours, and (wishful thinking) Oscar after-parties. But what if there were no sparks on the first date, or you weren't so sure about jumping into a relationship with her or anyone for that matter, or she declined your offer of commitment because there was just something about you that she didn’t particularly like? What if halfway through the relationship, you/she /weren't/wasn’t feeling “it” anymore, or you couldn’t stand her weirdness, or you just couldn’t wait until she’s ready to get hitched? What if you break her heart? By now, you must already know about Adele and Taylor Swift, and a few more people who are turning their heartaches into tangible, green cash. You must also know about the girl who writes, whose blog you’re reading right now.


Date a girl who writes… at your own risk.


    
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Thursday, March 1, 2012

Steve Jobs

"Your time is limited, so don't waste it living someone else's life. Don't be trapped by dogma — which is living with the results of other people's thinking. Don't let the noise of others' opinions drown out your own inner voice. And most important, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition. They somehow already know what you truly want to become. Everything else is secondary." -- Steve Jobs, 1955-2011




I didn’t know about Steve Jobs until after he resigned as CEO of his company. I don’t even own any of his apples... yet.

When I was younger, I thought 27 year olds had it all figured out. I thought, “People their age must know who they are and what they’re doing”. Now that I’m older, it could only be one of two things: a) I was young, na├»ve, and very wrong, or b) I’m the only 27 year old in the planet who can’t figure out shit. A or B, I’m cool. You see, A) with youth comes naivety. I haven’t met a fourth grader who has a monopoly of knowledge, is stable on all aspects of his being, and with a strong sense of purpose. Kids can tell you what they want to become, but they can’t tell you who they are. With B… oh well. What to do yani?

Let’s get back to the guy who inspired me to create this “Words I Wish I’d Written” category. I think what he’s trying to get across is too simple to miss, but very hard to apply. Not many people are daring enough to cross society’s invisible- but palpable- boundaries. A lot of people just want to fit in; very few want to stand out. The latter rarely succeed- publicly, of course. But I’m sure, deep within them, they have a greater sense of peace with their individuality than those who appear to be accepted and loved by people who don’t REALLY care about who they REALLY are. Just thinking about them crushes me emotionally because I used to be like them. I was compelled to live by society’s standards for plenty of reasons but my personal happiness. When you’re younger, you do it for your parents. When you’re older, it is something that you do to yourself. And if you spend your very short life trying to please others for acceptance, you’re gonna have a hard time forgiving yourself in your deathbed.

We are entitled to live our lives RESPONSIBLY the way we see fit and can make us happy. I am a strong and independent 27 year old who does not know a lot of shit, but can deal with her own. I don’t have to be a nurse (forever) just because that’s what I went to college for. I don’t have to look like Paris Hilton if, and I say IF, what I really want is to look like the girl with the dragon tattoo. I don’t have to be a Catholic just because I was baptized before I could discern which way of life is for me. I don’t have to believe the people who say that I can’t be what I want to be, when the only reason I won’t be is if I won’t write. I don’t have to write a commercially appealing blog post if it can’t get across what my heart truly speaks. I don’t have to be a “seemingly together” 27-year-old; I just have to figure some shit out so that everything can fall into their perfect places. I think I’m off to a good start internalizing quotes from a person working with apples.
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