Tuesday, August 20, 2013

May - August 2013

I breathe to write, and I write to avoid having problems with my breathing.

When things are beyond our control, trust that God is. Let's calm our hearts by praying constantly, not only for our own safety, but for others as well.

Things you need to know in life:
          a)      WHO you are
          b)      WHY you’re here
          c)      WHAT you can do

The Lord is bigger than any of your problems. Trust His love always.

Don’t let other people determine your worth.

A single mistake can change your life forever, so make only the ones with consequences you can live with.

Hating may be easier than loving but it’s definitely harder on the conscience.

Sometimes, it's hard to take care of someone who is fully capable of taking care of himself.

Tolerance is not acceptance and it certainly isn’t love.

The moment you try too hard to sound smart, you start to look dumb.

Your real first love is your first real heartbreak.

The hardest person to forgive is yourself.

Love like you've never been cheated on.

It’s frustrating how maturity does not come with age.

The heart doesn’t forget what the brain refuses to remember.

When you're having a bad time, just think: It could be worse. Be grateful whatever your circumstances are. God's love is unceasing. Good things happen to those who are faithful to Him.

Death by drugs used to be tragic. Now, it's overrated. Not to add insult to injury but it's sad, almost depressing, to think that just when we thought we're one corpse smarter, another one bites the sheets. ‪

Choose respect over admiration.

Lying by omission is like hiding in plain sight.

Q: When can two “friends” cross the line between friendship and romance?
A: When they’re both sure their bond can survive a painful separation.

If you don’t care about the way you treat others, then you sure as hell shouldn’t care about how others treat you.

What can a 12-hour sleep give you?
*loads of crappy, over-the-top incredible, super-duper unrealistic dreams with unexpected guests
*hunger headache

In relationships, there's no such thing as a 5-year curse...
...only five years’ worth of blessings in the form of lessons learned.

For every action, there is an intention.

Kung gusto mo ng tahimik na buhay, huwag kang gumawa ng ingay.

TIME… it passes. Slowly or quickly... it depends on how you spend it.

The best way to teach someone how to love you is to love him the way you’d want to be loved.

You can never really judge a person based on where he came from. Diamonds are found among rocks.

Happiness is neither a destination nor an end result; it is a way of life.

Be stronger than your weaknesses.

Single People: You can't find the right person the wrong way.

Oftentimes, it's not what you say but how you say it.

'Pag feeling lonely ka, 'wag tao ang hanapin mo. Sila pwedeng mawala pero si Lord, 'di ka iiwan mag-isa.

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Sunday, August 11, 2013

Hency’s 5 Simple Tips To Surviving a Painful Betrayal

We’ve all been hurt once, twice, or too many times in our lives. I, for one, had to survive painful betrayals from people I REALLY trusted; I’m still reeling from the shock of a couple more. Recovering from the hurt that’s been caused and accepting the situation for what it is, forgiving the person who proved to be untrustworthy to forgiving yourself for being too trusting, and restoring the friendship/relationship to its earlier harmonious state to making a decision to break all bonds and move on can be a herculean task for an emotionally fragile human being. Practice makes perfect (care to have your heart broken, over and over again?) but is there really anything that can save us from any sort of backstabbing? I cannot teach anyone how to accurately spot a descendant of Judas to avoid future heartaches; I, myself, suck at that. Every betrayal WILL make us suffer to a certain degree, but maybe we can devise a plan so we can control our emotions and spare ourselves from undue, lasting cardiac and cerebral damage.  Here are some of the ways that I’ve chosen to not look so pathetic when the inevitable happens. THIS, you can practice.

1.      Pray hard. If you don’t feel better after, pray harder.

There ain’t no better way to say this, my friend. One of the things that we’re most lucky about, being alive here and all, is that even in a world full of double-crossers, we have a God that will NEVER EVER hurt us in the many ways our fellow humans can. He is your Bestfriend, your ever loyal Confidant, and dependable Chummie. He will never leave you, forsake you, or betray you. Talk to Him. Take advantage of the fact that He is always ready to listen, anytime, anywhere, anyhow. You can trust Him. He will not fail you. That ought to make you feel good enough before you even reach step 2.  

2.      Give yourself time to be sad and angry BUT be done with it pronto!

Well, you can’t fake grace with a face. Acknowledging that you feel bad about a situation will make you uncomfortable enough to want to pull yourself out of it. If you’re mad, get mad but be done with it quickly. Use your negative feelings in a positive way. It’s an acquired skill, I’m telling you. For starters, it just means that you need to use that fire to give your butt a tiny sting, get your adrenaline rushing, and make you face the bad stuff head-on- not blaze your whole ass. Don’t sit on it!

3.      Forgive and forgo to hasten the healing process.

We’ve all heard the cliché “Forgive and Forget”. I have come up with an inner mantra. The phrase “Forgive and FORGO” is more doable because who the hell forgets what they had to forgive? To forgo is to leave behind and do without something/someone who does not fit into your life anymore. Do not wait for a two-worded, half-meant apology. Just let it go to unburden yourself of all things bad. Oftentimes, the person hardest to forgive is not the supposed object of our hate for betraying our trust, but our very own selves. Forgive yourself. Stop taking responsibility for others’ mistakes. Accept that not everything is about you, that you can’t prevent yourself from being lied to (unless you live in utter solitude), and that secrets and misdeeds are better exposed, not sooner or later, but like everything… in God’s perfect time. Don’t hurt yourself any more than the person who hurt you already has. Forgiveness is not grace extended to another; it is a gift you give to YOU.

4.      Remember that you make mistakes too.

We don’t like shady people who lie, do we now? Let’s turn the tables. What if it’s you whose integrity is put into question? Got a spotless track record? Well, I’ve got news for you. You are absolutely capable of hurting the same person who hurt you in the same manner that he has hurt you (whew!). Chances are, you most likely have hurt someone the same way before, whether you were made fully aware of it or not. How did you handle being the bad guy? I think the best way to understand why some people risk others’ trust is to look within us and see what motivates us into doing all kinds of deeds. What is important to you and how do you protect it? I’ve been in the company of those who spin webs of lies just to cover up their insecurities. I’ve also been around people who keep secrets from close friends and family members to spare them from the potential stress a specific kind of information might cause. The next time someone betrays your trust (reality bites, someone will), remember the times when you were forced to make difficult choices. Be honest. Look at yourself. Don’t be self-righteous and stop rationalizing your actions. Don’t listen to twisted “friends” who give you interpretations that are only in your favor. After all, the people who often betray us are the ones close to us. It’s what makes the whole experience more painful, yes, but it’s all the more reason for us to try to be more… humane- but not stupid. Nobody, as you’ve heard, is perfect. 

5.      Learn to trust again.

After a painful betrayal, learning to trust again may be easier said than done, but it’s actually harder not to. Trust is a huge part of any human bond and without it, the relationship/friendship will not reach its fullest potential. As risky as it is to open your heart again after it’s been hurt, you can’t fully enjoy life if you always put your guard way up,up,up.  Don’t let a few people ruin your positive regard for the human race. Believe in yourself. Trust that you are capable of making better decisions and choices so that you may find it in yourself to trust again. Most of all, be the person you want others to be. If you are trustworthy, then it will be easier to believe that others can be as well.

As far as shielding ourselves from lies and betrayal, we can only do so much. In the end, we’re left only with wounds that will be scars and only three options: a) go backwards, b) be stuck, and c) move forward. The people who’ve hurt me can choose to move on from their mistakes and lead better lives- or not. As for me, I’ve made the decision to let go of the pain that they’ve caused and forgive myself for my own misdeeds, so I can let my life continue on track.

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Remember to Forget

I can’t remember a time
Before this that we ain’t fine
You had me wrapped around your fingers
Your smile was my comfort

Then all of a sudden
I didn’t see this coming
Your sugar-coated insincerity
Is what my sweet tooth got me

Questions asked; cusses spewed
Stupid answers; lies construed
Can hardly keep up with the crap
Gotta nurse a knife at my back

Were you ever real to me?
Care to give a two-worded apology?
Can’t fake grace with a face
Let time tell if forgiveness can erase

I must remember to forget
All the things that you did

I would have loved you in spite of WHO you REALLY are

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Hency’s 5 Simple Tips to Enjoying the Single Life

A blog post like this is one that I can write with a confidence level of 100%.

In my 28 years of existence, the time I’ve spent being in relationships is proportional to Lindsay Lohan’s length of sobriety in years put together minus her time in rehab, so you guys can trust that I know what I’m talking about. To those who can’t follow, yes, I’ve been spending a huge chunk of my earth time being single and I’m good at it. I’m effin’ good at it. It’s probably the second thing that I do best next to gobbling rice meals. I’m not kidding.

For me, being single is like walking in the clouds- easy, breezy, and drama-free. There are some days though (“some” meaning a little over five times in a year, like when I watch a Meg Ryan movie), when I wish someone’s gravity will pull me down to where he’s at. Of course I’ve been in love. I’ve experienced the kind of high that comes with it, and I’d be lying if I said I don’t want to feel that again, but life is short. I’d rather spend my days writing than formulating love potions. When it comes to finding the “better” kind of love, the one that actually lasts, leave it to the Author of love itself… God.

So what can we do while God is tugging Mr./Ms. Forever in a blindfold? I only have five for you, baby. See what works for yah.


1)      Free yourself from negativity.

Now THIS is hard. With all that’s happening in our single lives, we can’t be all smiles, can we? There’s work, family/friend(s) issues, financial problems, and sometimes you can feel so alone, you wish you had a boy/girlfriend. Being in a relationship can make you forget about your problems, sure. But, if you’re in an unhealthy one, you’ll forget them because all you’ll be sad about is the relationship itself. Remember that being in a relationship does not guarantee happiness so you have to learn how to be happy on your own. If you’re not happy being single, what makes you think you’ll be happy being in a relationship? You are responsible for your own happiness. Don’t dump it on somebody else.  If you want to have positive relationships, then you’ve got to try to be a little more optimistic in spite of your circumstances. Try to see the best in people and yourself. Know how to make something good out of a bad situation so you’ll have no regrets. Always find a reason to smile even when you feel like things couldn’t get any worse… so that it won’t.

2)      Find something you love to do, NOT someone to love.

Have you ever stared at a clock while waiting for something or someone? One minute seemed like forever, right? But try doing something you actually like to kill the time and before you know it, whatever you’ve been waiting for is in front of you. I’m not sure for some but waiting is my least favorite activity, and understandably so, man-hunting. One big mistake that SOME single people make (other than wait and waste their lives away in the process) is doing all sorts of things just to have a partner. Some would go as far as resorting to socially and morally unacceptable means and that’s a rather repulsive thought. What guy/girl is worth that? And, do you think you’ll find the right person the wrong way? Use your free time productively. What is your passion? What activities do you not only enjoy but feel are contributing to your growth as an individual? If you do something you really love doing, you’re not only NOT wasting time, you will learn how to keep yourself preoccupied and be independently happy. Before you know it, love is knocking at your door and you’ll be opening it with a smile. To encourage you more to adapt this way of life, think about this: the chances of a health-conscious woman, who goes to the gym regularly, ending up with a physically fit man is not the same as that of a woman who frequents bars. She’ll have better luck hooking up with a never-sober alcoholic. I’m sticking to writing.  

3)      Establish a strong sense of who you are.

If someone will ask you bluntly who you are, it’s not gonna be about what you’ll say but HOW you’ll answer. How certain are you at this point in your life that you can answer that question with confidence and conviction? Being single, you’re at an advantage because you can get to know yourself without mistakenly identifying the “real” YOU with another. Oftentimes and for a lot of reasons, we tend to lose a bit of our individuality when we’re with someone because being in a relationship entails some necessary personality modifications from us to make it work. It’s called compromise. Sometimes, in an effort to please our partners, we overcompensate and when the unfortunate separation happens, we tend to feel out of ourselves- like it hasn’t been the case for quite a while. Take every opportunity to get to know yourself more: your desires, your beliefs, what irks you, the things you are willing to give up when necessary, and the things you will always hold on to no matter what. Build in yourself the kind of inner strength that can fight self-doubt and confusion in making important choices, and can answer the question “Who are you and what do you REALLY want?” with absolute certainty at any given time or situation. Yes, a relationship requires you to be whole. But you know what else does? YOUR LIFE.

4)      Open your heart to endless possibilities- including single-blessedness.

Relax. Calm down. Take deep breaths. Don’t panic… and don’t roll your eyes on me like you’re having a seizure. So what if you end up single? I don’t know about all y’all and them guys out there but I’d rather be chillin’ about this aspect of my life now than rush into some romance and be divorced a decade later just because my ovarian eggs have an expiration date. I’ve talked to quite a number of not-so-old-maids and they told me that their biggest regret is not getting married when they had the chance. I’ve talked to married women (twice the number of the unmarried ones) on the verge of mad and crazy and they told me to enjoy my life while I can before the “inevitable” happens, like married life is the only kind of life before death. Well, to each his own. Their lives are far from miserable; there’s Africa for that. But they can’t say they’re completely happy either. News flash! Life’s not perfect. You don’t always get what you want. Sometimes, when you do get what you want, you realize that you wanted the wrong things. If you accept right now that your life can go into millions of different directions, or even go to where you never thought it would, you’ll get over any setback in no time. Soften that rigid attitude. However your life turns out, you’ll be just fine. If I married a guy I was with some years ago in the state of being I was in (some years ago), maybe I won’t be half the person I am today. No effin’ way!   

5)      Trust God.

Like everything, this all goes down to a question of faith. Do you trust God, or do you have this delusion that it’s ALL up to YOU? For a long time, I’ve debated in my head two concepts known to man- Divine Predestination and human willpower- and how much in terms of percentage they play in our lives, which is really ridiculous considering that God is GOD and I am just mini-me. You can try to contemplate on that and I’m betting the moon and a couple of stars that you’re gonna have difficulties figuring it out. I’m betting another nameless galaxy that you never will. When it comes to matters of fate and faith, nobody is as vulnerable as a single person desperate to be in someone’s company. Is it really your fault that you’re single, that you didn’t make the choices that could’ve led to a relationship? Or is it just not the time yet? When will the right time ever be? Here’s the one and only fix: Leave it to God. Believe that He’s planned a happy life for you-single, semi-single, or not and listen closely for His instructions. If you follow His lead, your life will be far better than any reality you have imagined and dreamed for yourself.


I wish all you fellow single people the best, today and always. =)

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