Friday, February 27, 2015

My Gift

January 18, 2011


“Ruin is a gift. Ruin is the road to transformation.”

Fifty five minutes into the movie, I got stuck when Julia Roberts as Liz Gilbert (Eat, Pray, Love) narrated this line and had to replay it five times before I went on with it only because I wanted to finish it without going to work late. I found myself repeating it over and over again in between taking dental x-rays and developing them and each time I did, the truth in those words clung to every inch of my being. It’s not some kind of realization you get while going about your daily routine. It is something you can only say once you’re already out there, dealing with change one day at a time as you try to rebuild yourself from the ruins of the old you. Ruin is where I came from. Ruin is the reason why I’m here.

Every now and then, I marvel at how my life turned out to be since I decided to leave my country. For a year now, I've been confined to this nine-story building where I both work and live but so much has changed for me. It’s because it is only now that I am able to sort out the jumbled things in my head and the emotional spaghetti in my heart. I’m now able to see a lot of things clearly, some even beyond what I initially took them for and the way I think, live, and love has changed. This newfound sense of belongingness with myself, this inner peace even with the occasional chaos life tries to inject me with through things, situations and people makes me feel a hundred times tougher than I was before. I am being transformed into someone who does not easily get derailed by negativity. I’ve become more optimistic. I’m now capable of being grateful even in the midst of an ordeal and use the lessons I’ve learned to turn things around for me. My only motivation now is God and not thyself. I have learned that putting Him at the center of your life inspires you to live life the best way you know how and be a blessing to others with any chance you get.

All my life, I’ve heard so many people claim to be "lost" because they are not happy with who they are and how their lives are going. Once they "find" themselves after they've recognized and defeated their inner demons through a life overhaul nicknamed “change”, they become happy until the time comes when they feel lost again. I have decided to find God first within me and found that having Him IN me is what will keep me happy whatever my circumstances are. I will not lose myself to the world again. I have Him. He transformed me. I have made good use of ruin, my gift.


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