Friday, February 27, 2015

THE Question

February 26, 2011

It was Kuwait’s Liberation Day yesterday (and the 25th Anniversary of the EDSA Revolution in the Philippines as well) so what better thing to do on a holiday than to watch a movie on my laptop? I clicked around my movie list and saw The Nanny Diaries and thought that maybe I'd watch it today so I can delete it already. So watch it I did and there's this scene in the movie that played in my head like that Eat, Pray, Love scene I had to rewind a few more times. Scarlett Johansson’s character asked the ever common but REALLY hard question: “Who is Annie Braddock?”

I couldn’t stop asking myself the same question throughout the movie and after. Who am I? Who am I really? Giving my personal information would be like taking an exam I've been reviewing for for 26 years, I’d be a nutcase or a case file if I’m not able to fill in all the blanks from first to last. I can’t believe I had to pray before I came up with an answer I myself could find credible and in the pool of words I was given, I had extreme difficulty finding a word that could define me.

Maybe there is no one word. Maybe how I define myself is not exactly who I am in reality. There is a danger that if I write one page about who I think I am, I would only be writing about who I want to be which is oftentimes the case. Oh well, writing about who I am is not an easy task as I now know especially when I’m not really that sure of the answer. But then, if I don’t know the answer, who does?

Who am I? Is it really necessary to have an answer to that question now? At 26, am I expected to at least have an idea as to what my definite role in the society is and how people must know me? Do I need to know who I am to live my life accordingly, to know my purpose, to know my worth? Or do I just live my life and deal with its challenges the best way I know how with the person I become to be the answer to the question? Do I have to wait until I’m in my deathbed, to have a flashback of memories and watch myself like I’m somebody else so I can finally give an objective answer?

It’s silly that I’m asking too many questions to answer THE question at hand like it’s going to make it simpler for me. What is so complicated about the question anyway? Then I realized that it is not the question but the answer that’s making it so damn difficult to spit out. I know who I am. I’m just scared to be wrong because if I am, then how can I ever trust myself to find the answer again? NOBODY can give a more accurate answer. NOBODY can ever be capable of helping me out when I have proven for myself that NOBODY can be sure of who he really is.

I therefore conclude that the safest and most unworthy-of-the-suspenseful-waiting answer to this question is: I AM ME.


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