Friday, July 24, 2015

I Will NEVER EVER Get Married



A lot of people ask me why I’m still single. I’ve been giving blah-blah answers since I was 27. Some of them are:
-I'm too busy writing about... stuff.
-I’m not in the mood to be in any kind of relationship.
-It’s better to be alone and happy than to feel lonely and miserable even when you’re with someone.
-I want to avoid the drama for now and just have fun.

When I do think about being in a relationship, I try to imagine the possible scenarios of how I’d meet the one. Some are:

-I meet him at an airport while waiting to board and we end up seating next to each other on a16-hour flight to somewhere (you know, like #thisthingcalledtadhana).
-I meet him at a coffee shop or a bookstore reading the same book I’m trying very hard to understand.
-I meet him strumming a guitar while shopping for an electronic drum kit at... wherever they sell those things.
-I meet him at the grocery store frozen stuff section where they sell chocolate ice cream.

And then, I think about the possible reasons I might end up marrying him. Some are:

-Ummm…
-See first reason.
-Read it again.
-Move on to the next paragraph. 

Single people want to get hitched for different reasons and some DON’T for lots of reasons too that married people call excuses. I grew up around unhappy marriages. I have experienced the frustration of being in non-relationships and the pain after broken ones. A person who knows me might think these hold me back from every opportunity to be with someone but a person who knows me well knows the truth.

I’m still single because I’m too ambitious for my own sake. And in my brain, my dreams are worth sacrificing a life that is expected of women. For the longest time, I’ve been taking full responsibility for my own happiness and refusing to dump it on someone else because I may not be able to return the favor. Sure, I could just be myself and that may be enough for him, but not for me. What if I decide to give love a shot but in the end find myself unable to commit on that level -marriage and kids and all- then what would the poor guy do? How could I live with that?

I could be overthinking. Maybe I’ll meet someone wonderful. Maybe then I won’t have to think, or be a certain way to keep him satisfied. Or maybe we’ll have the same take on things and are able to make sense of each other’s personal choices within the context of our relationship. Maybe he’ll be as ambitious as I am. Maybe his dreams aren’t that different from mine. Or better yet, we’ll be working hand-in-hand in achieving them. Maybe then, I’ll reconsider. Or, maybe not.

But what if...

... I meet the worst possible guy? Maybe he’ll be so bad that the people who keep nagging me to get married would just can the idea of me marrying anyone, ever. Maybe my mom would have a fit. Maybe, in spite of who he is and all the drama he may bring, I won’t care. Maybe he’ll be the one who could make me say:

“I had several dreams but I chose you because, however unlikely, you were the best option.”

Regardless, the guy I’d marry will be the MAN who can make me eat the words of this blog post’s title.
 
 
 
 
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